All Garrison Keillor Quotes
- It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. Catchy
- Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. Cat
- Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. Campfire
- It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming. Air
- They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few… Days
- A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to… Bikini
- Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up. Coming
- A book is a gift you can open again and again. Attitude
- Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it. Deny
- The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. Brother
- I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. Believe
- I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy. Age
- A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever. Forever
- I've wanted to be a writer since I was a boy, though it seemed an unlikely outcome since I showed no real talent. But I… Average
- A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get… Able
- I want to resume the life of a shy person. Life
- Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve. Cannot Improve
- The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles. Chortles
- A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good… Allusive
- The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for… British
- Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. Anyone
- Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that. Died
- You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories. Age
- Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. Children
- Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate… Asked