Garrison Keillor Quotes

167 quotes in 2377 categories

• No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.
• Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have.
• Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
• Don't tear up the page and start over again when you write a bad line-try to write your way out of it. Make mistakes and…
• Boys, the first drink is a boon, the second is a gamble, the third is poor judgment, and then the rate of descent gets steep
• Some people think it is difficult to be a Christian and to laugh, but I think it's the other way around. God writes a lot…
• I don't want them to be told to remember me.
• I thought A Prairie Home Companion would be an interesting thing to do for a summer or so. Public radio was just seven years old…
• That's what I am, Frank thought, an ordinary genius. He had unlocked the secret of radio. The sport of the ordinary! Brillliant me like Reed…
• You learn this great lesson of life: it's not about me. It's just not. The matter of talent-which seemed so important to you when you…
• She gave him such a look... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.
• Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers.
• The relationship between truth and a newspaper is like the relationship between the color green and the number seven. Occasionally you will see the number…
• Sex is not a mechanical act that fails for lack of technique, and it is not a performance by the male for the audience of…
• All fiction comes from a little bit of reality, otherwise it would have no relevance. The fun is in innovation, take something real like this…
• Ralph Stanley is like an uncle to us and now that all my uncles are gone, Ralph's singing is even more precious. This album of…
• America of the future will be all malls connected by interstates. All because your parents no longer can their own tomatoes.
• Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.
• Cleverness is a burden after that. You are supposed to settle down and be a good person, raise your children, and be good to your…
• Powdermilk biscuits: Heavens, theyre tasty and expeditious! Theyre made from whole wheat, to give shy persons the strength to get up and do what needs…

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