All Fred Allen Quotes
- I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. Coffin
- The world is a grindstone and life is your nose Grindstone
- A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it. Human
- Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done. Called
- Television is a triumph of equipment over people, Equipment
- I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man. Boston
- All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter. Aggravation
- Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's… Agents
- English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve. Been
- He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose. Feel
- He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone. Dreamed
- When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat. Benny
- A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself. Humor
- The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners. Bigger
- I was just working in the shop and all of a sudden something just triggered in me and I started shaking. And then I walked… Ago
- After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins. Able
- Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans. Cans
- If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it. Cutting
- A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5… Accomplished
- Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs… All
- Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by. Bright
- If children could vote, Jesse Jackson would be our next president. Children
- I'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four. Four
- In show business, more showgirls are kept than promises. Business
- A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal. Audience