All Fred Allen Quotes
- A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. Any
- Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. Cities
- I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. Amazement
- Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great. Actor
- A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. Agent
- An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. Associate
- During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. Big
- Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. Creation
- I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. Belief
- Imitation is the sincerest form of television. Definitions
- My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. Alabama
- Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. Afraid
- Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. Device
- The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. Advertising
- The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. Cities
- The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. Advertising
- We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy… Age
- Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station. Dealing
- He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes. Blind
- He's so small, he's a waste of skin. Inspirational
- I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. Family
- Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is… Cocktail
- The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think- Ladies' Home… Average
- All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. All
- If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now. Any