“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” asked “That if Franz Kafka were here his head would explode?” “Actually, yeah.” — David Wong Franz Kafka Copy Share Image
“Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if… — David Wong Every man Copy Share Image
And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There’s something I don’t trust about the way she exploded and… — David Wong Doe Copy Share Image
“You want sympathy, you can find it in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“The channel got switched to Fox News and a panel of experts was desperately trying to fill airtime by finding ways to… — David Wong Fox news Copy Share Image
“Tip: if you ever feel a puke coming on, do not, do not put your hand over your mouth to try to… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I stared at him. I said, "Wait, really? Like there's an actual part of our brain that dictates how many people we… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Kools never did get along with partners. He once stabbed a fella over whose turn it was to drive. Kools says I… — David Wong Funny Copy Share Image
Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing… — David Wong Alive Copy Share Image
Antidepressants. The thought of this girl actually being depressed made me want to grab the whole planet and throw it into the… — David Wong Antidepressants Copy Share Image
“Keep driving," said a soft voice in my ear. "She will not bite if you keep driving." Fuck that. Fuck that idea… — David Wong Cursing Copy Share Image
“John cursed himself. Or rather, he cursed the past version of himself for so thoughtlessly screwing over the current version of himself.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
I had seen that look before, on the faces of tourists visiting the Texas Book Depository in Dallas where Lee Harvey Oswald… — David Wong Book Copy Share Image
Here’s exclusive Channel 5 video of a local man having his brain eaten by a winged gremlin. Local gremlin experts warn that— — David Wong Brain Copy Share Image
Individuals understood in relational terms cannot be conceived as fully separate from their communities. Others in one's community may already be a… — David Wong Community Copy Share Image
“After a moment I realized it was simply Fred Durst and the group Limp Bizkit—Shitload’s favorite band. They’re the ones who invented… — David Wong Heavy metal Copy Share Image
“And I’m not crazy. I mean, I know anybody can say that. But a crazy person can’t fake sane, right?” — David Wong Crazy person Copy Share Image
“There was a sound like a garbage bag of pudding dropped off a tall building onto a sidewalk. Robert had erupted, chunks… — David Wong Kindlehighlight Copy Share Image
“Sound filled the room, a crystal melody that could lift any human heart and turn away any devil. It was "Here I… — David Wong Human heart Copy Share Image
“I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible as I lay the sausage against my ear. Abruptly, my cell phone went dead.… — David Wong Bratwurst Copy Share Image
“Dave? This is John." "What are you-" Alive? "-in an ambulance or something?" "Yes and no. Are you still at the police… — David Wong David Copy Share Image
“John unzipped the satchel and pulled out a weapon he had made, a Bible wrapped around the end of a baseball bat… — David Wong Bible Copy Share Image
