Best David Letterman Thoughts
- When I became a Sigma Chi it was great, because they were the pople I enjoyed being with and I was very proud of the… Actually Wanted
- I like my cinema gritty, I like my eggs gritty. Cinema
- I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again,' Call
- New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. Cities
- Let's stop for a moment to admire the rotating pies. Admire
- I think O.J. protests too much. Not only did he say he didn't carve the holiday turkey, but he was in the back yard practicing… Back Yard
- Dingoes, jackals, skunks, vipers and weasel are now illegal in New York City. Well great, who's going to run CBS? Cbs
- The post office is raising the price of stamps again. I heard that and said to myself, 'If only there was an inexpensive electronic way… Communicate
- Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are. Airport
- Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between. Art
- I'd do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it's too cold. Cold
- When you think about flying, it's nuts really. Here you are at about 40,000 feet, screaming along at 700 miles an hour and you're sitting… Along
- You know, we had the elections earlier in the week, and a dead woman, in Pennsylvania, somehow was on the ballot and she was elected… Al
- Bush met with former President Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter is 76 years old, or as Democrats call him 'their bright new star of the future.' Bright
- I think I might have a bad psychic advisor. When I asked her to contact the dead, she gave me Keith Richards' phone number. Advisor
- The Mars Polar Lander has been quieter than George W. Bush after a foreign policy question. Astronomy
- I was once involved in a same-sex marriage. There was the same sex over and over and over. Funny
- Say what you will about Leona Helmsley, when it comes to standing trial, she's twice the man Jim Bakker is. Bakker
- Every year when it's Chinese New Year here in New York, there are fireworks going off at all hours. New York mothers calm their frightened… All
- Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey taxi." Two is "What train do I take to… Bloomingdales
- This warning from the New York City Department of Health Fraud: Be suspicious of any doctor who tries to take your temperature with his finger. Any
- Tip to out-of-town visitors. If you buy something here in New York and you want to have it shipped home, be suspicious if the clerk… Address
- As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body. Body
- The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give President Bush the chance to unwind. My question is, when does the guy wind? Bush
- Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water. Everywhere
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