All Conan O'Brien Quotes
- The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you… Funny
- There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. Fear
- In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the… Ban
- Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized… Anyone
- President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled… Attend
- According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The… According
- Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language. Apparently
- Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be… Any
- CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said,… Anchor
- During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running… Accused
- Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to… Arnold
- Every comedian dreams of hosting 'The Tonight Show' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and… Comedian
- In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote,… Address
- John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he… Airplane
- Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen… Another Fifteen
- Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is… Bob
- My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point. Achieved
- It's a mistake to read. Television is the only way. Inspirational
- The top two movies at the box office this weekend were 'High School Musical 3' and 'Saw V.' One movie features gruesome onscreen torture that… Box
- All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record, it’s… All