“Sympathy is why when a man is getting mugged, you let him keep his shirt after you take his life. Funerals are… — Bauvard Funny Copy Share Image
“Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list… — Bauvard Trees Copy Share Image
“Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks.” — Bauvard Culture Copy Share Image
“Be true to your divided selves. They're the only ones who will support you in moments of vacillation.” — Bauvard Divided Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace… — Bauvard Dream Copy Share Image
“The amount of educational programming on television today is simply desensitizing. The only reason left to go to school is to see… — Bauvard Desensitized Copy Share Image
“It’s best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn’t sweat very much.” — Bauvard Air conditioning Copy Share Image
“A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.” — Bauvard Funny Copy Share Image
“I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.” — Bauvard Big idea Copy Share Image
“If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.” — Bauvard Aging Copy Share Image
“If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.” — Bauvard Change Copy Share Image
“Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself.” — Bauvard Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The only way to be completely self-consistent is to be constantly uttering paradoxes.” — Bauvard Consistency Copy Share Image
“The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.” — Bauvard Hope Copy Share Image
“Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.” — Bauvard Cars Copy Share Image
“One nation, under God, with consciousness – the practical man serves the highest abstraction with juggling training.” — Bauvard Fitness Copy Share Image
“Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.” — Bauvard Child Copy Share Image
I am a foreigner, but I like to hide the fact. I'd rather people be prejudiced against my personality. — Bauvard Foreigners Copy Share Image
“Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.” — Bauvard Comedy Copy Share Image
“I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m… — Bauvard Art Copy Share Image
“The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain… — Bauvard Bright ideas Copy Share Image
“Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.” — Bauvard Funny Copy Share Image
“Usually I am the only subject I care to discuss with company. But when I'm getting reacquainted with an old friend, I… — Bauvard Business Copy Share Image
“One never owns a book. It sits on your shelf in a fine edition like a piece of furniture, and you are… — Bauvard Book Copy Share Image
“I don’t believe in a lot of phenomena that fall under the term ‘parapsychology.’ Especially that one branch, psychology. You’re going to… — Bauvard Psychology Copy Share Image
“Einstein’s remark on the limitlessness of human stupidity is made even more disturbing by the discovery that infinity comes in different sizes.… — Bauvard Bad day Copy Share Image
“Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.” — Bauvard Bloody Copy Share Image
“I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.” — Bauvard Childhood Copy Share Image
“Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.” — Bauvard Funny Copy Share Image
“Treat each other like human beings? But the other great apes have no class hierarchy.” — Bauvard Apes Copy Share Image
“Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future.” — Bauvard Children Copy Share Image
“If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.” — Bauvard Urban Copy Share Image
“Don't believe anything I say. My point of view is merely objective.” — Bauvard Faith Copy Share Image
“The French: a people who have used their sophisticated culture and beautiful language to bequeath to the world the sliced potato.” — Bauvard English Copy Share Image
“Buddhism: a violent religion that has compensated for the exploding human population by causing whole species of animal vessels to go extinct.” — Bauvard Animals Copy Share Image
“When one's unconscious is full of vice, nothing realizes inner potential like hypocrisy.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
