Nothing is sadder than a guy who complains on Facebook about how shitty his sex life is. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Pickup lines never work...I think someone clever, witty and funny is very attractive. — Kate Upton Copy Share Image
If I am not worth the wooing, I surely am not worth the winning! — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Copy Share Image
My girl went away for the weekend, and I didn't masturbate once. I masturbated 21 times. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE, Something which combines the two greatest powers on earth -- war and peace; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WRINKLES: Something other people have, Similar to my character lines. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They always say to treat people the way you want to be treated. So far, I've given 4 handjobs today. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
True wit is nature to advantage dressed; What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed. — Alexander Pope Copy Share Image
I was brought up by very witty people who were dealing with quite difficult things: disease and death... I was brought up… — Emma Thompson Copy Share Image
A small degree of wit, accompanied by good sense, is less tiresome in the long run than a great amount of wit… — Francois de La Rochefoucauld Copy Share Image
“It is difficult to love someone who loves you, but easy to hate someone who loves you, and love someone who hates… — Michael Bassey Johnson Copy Share Image
Before the Internet, if someone disappeared, it meant you should go looking for them. Now it means they got a life. — Ashish Chauhan Copy Share Image
If mom was here she would be subtweeting all over the place stuff like : who's gonna buy groceries : who's gonna… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
In Korean, my lyrics are witty and have twists. But translated into English, it doesn't come over. I've tried writing in English,… — PSY Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A transposable aphorism is a malaise of the urge to be witty, or in other words, a maxim that is untroubled by… — Umberto Eco Copy Share Image
I once arm wrestled the Incredible Hulk. The loser had to paint himself green. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One thing nice about being dead is that you immediately become eligible to appear on stamps and money. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood — Fred Thompson Copy Share Image
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them. — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. -- A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, Is made out of two toothbrushes but a single tube of toothpaste; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't care if it doesn't make a nickel. I just want every man, woman, and child in America to see it. — Samuel Goldwyn Copy Share Image
Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself. — Mae West Copy Share Image
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
For the qualities of sheer wit and humor, Swift had no superior, ancient or modern. — Leigh Hunt Copy Share Image
Two negatives don't make a positive, any more than two half-wits make a wit. — Neil Kinnock Copy Share Image
Okay. - the only thing ever said by guys in Sex, Shower and Sandwitch. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Some people are just like some schools during summer, they have, NO CLASS. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only thing a woman wants people saying behind her back is nice ass. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
I started pooping 10 times a day because it's where I come up with my best tweets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Me: Where have you been all my life? She: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Good girls pack their toothbrush Bad girls pack their diaphragms Naughty girls pack their dildos — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
