I hadn't intended to end up there. I meant to be a serious actor with a beard who wore a lot of… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
You should spend more time with your families; write that novel you've always wanted to write. You know, the one about the… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty! — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
No, my mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I not only loved studying theater, I loved being a theater major. It gave me an excuse to brood, to grow a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to believe. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that.… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Unlike Paul Newman, who seems to think that salad dressing is the cure-all for America's ills, I'm a man of action.” — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
