Police in Texas arrested a man who was using the alias 'Barack Obama' while trying to steal money from 35 ATMs. They… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Apparently, the Obamas chose New York City because they've gotten so used to people trying to break into their house. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
My wife and I had been trying a while to have a baby. We tried a bunch of things - so we… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Most kids come home from school. They don't go to their TVs first. They go to the Internet. They check their emails,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I got my shot at the movies. I love doing standup live. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wanted… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Joe Biden went to Brazil in an effort to try and repair America's relationship with their government. Biden said, 'It's great to… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
You can't reinvent the wheel. I remember when we first started out at 'Late Night,' we were trying to hire directors, and… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
With more and more states legalizing marijuana, companies are lining up to create the first marijuana breathalyzer. Officials say the toughest part… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A political action committee trying to raise money for a 2016 Hillary Clinton campaign is selling “Ready for Hillary” champagne glasses and… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
This week a man was arrested for jumping over the White House fence and trying to spray paint a political message. If… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Republicans in Congress are getting concerned that President Obama will try to use the final year of his term to push through… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new survey found that 12 percent of parents punish their kids by banning social networking sites. The other 88 percent punish their kids… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question:… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like 'Feel the Bern.' They were gonna make them for Lincoln Chafee… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday, the Supreme Court spent over an hour listening to arguments on whether Obamacare is unconstitutional. Yeah, listening to arguments about Obamacare for an… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
