“I spend all my time trying to capture the moment. And when I do, I'll interrogate and torture it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got stood up. I wasn’t mad, because at the time I was in a wheelchair.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Since the day I was born, I’ve spent my time being a human being, and I regard this as a good decision.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you try a joke a second time and nobody laughs, don’t tell a different joke—tell different people.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to build a future with me. Come, let’s start a life together. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time I was there was the first time I was there, but it’s not the last time I’ll go there,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Mr. Best spent so much time eating grass that he began to think he was a cow. But that still doesn’t excuse… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My ex girlfriend and I go long periods of time without speaking to each other. And in between those extended stretches, we… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop time. I did it once at my uncle’s house, and I nearly wrecked the universe.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A writer should be a recluse. Why share words with a few friends in the moment when they can be written down… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Then he cocked his head to the side, arched his left eyebrow like a drawbridge, and said, “I am you in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t like breakfast—I prefer fixslow. I eat it like I devour your love, and it may take time, but we can… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I saw a murder taking place, I almost didn’t have time to make coffee before stopping it. But thank God I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The average time for lightning to strike and thunder to hit is how long I love. But in which direction?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t go out tonight, because unfortunately I’m all tied up at the moment. I’m not busy, but I am kidnapped.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We should kill the future, so the present has no choice but to retreat into the past.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I could tell I loved her from the moment I saw her, right after she opened the trunk, untied me, and took… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The past is always more innocent, because it exists peacefully in the unreachable and unchangeable parts of the imagination.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Personally, I’ve been here since 1982, and I’d say it’s about time for breakfast.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“BearPaw Duck Farm tours are no longer at 4:00. Tours are now at 3:60, like a circle, which gives us more time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Aside from those few times I’ve killed a man, I’m not a violent person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love has already put on its pants by the time you realize your diaper needs to be changed.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The future is right around the corner from a bar called, “Yesterdays.” I know, I work there every tomorrow.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like spending all my time making things with my hands. Mostly I make love to myself.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I asked God to see into the future 50 years, and I couldn’t see myself, I wouldn’t assume I was dead.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it sounds sappy. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got married at a good time, though a better time would have been 20 years from now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Today I’m feeling uncharacteristically chiaroscuro, and I don’t know what that means for my future, or as a word.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Between was and is you’ll find me—but most of the time you’ll only find me in pictures.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m too impatient to be impatient, as impatience often wastes time through repetition and redundancy.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was nine minutes late for my last birthday party. And I was nine months on time for my first birthday.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He’s a winner and a millionaire four times over. Though I’m not a millionaire, I’ve at least won five times.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think the best time to stare off into space is when you’re going 65 on a motorcycle, provided you’re wearing your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I think I know her. This is not one of those times. This is not 3:33.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
