“Before the blue of night meets the pink of sunrise, there is a transition of lavender. It's a gradient of color that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people work to live, and other people live to work. Then some people, like me, are both unemployed and alive (at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If instead of a handshake you hold out a fist for a fist bump, I’ll wrap my hand around your fist like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was somebody else, somebody I could love. And since somebody else never… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If the word "committee" were an acronym, the two "T"s would stand for time travel. How else can a group waste so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the thing that holds life together. Sort of like rind to a melon, cloth to a stuffed animal, or money… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can do what Olympians couldn’t do. Of course they couldn’t do it because they were infants when I picked a moment… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The diner was more twiner than Twain, and I found a mustache in my soup. Maybe it was Mark’s. I guess that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Used is to sued, as brick is to Kricb, and that is such a profound observation on my part that I’m afraid… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can’t compare the taste of organic and non organic fruits and vegetables. Organic tastes like a ten-minute trumpet solo in your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love spends more time washing its hands than it does pissing in the kitchen sink. Remember that next time someone locks themself… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I win in the nick of time, I’ll spread my congrats evenly to every Nick in the stands. I’ll give them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s easy to see what to do once it’s already been done. The difficult time is before it’s to be done, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best time to complain is right after you’ve come up with a solution to the problem. Pose the questions, present the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“By the time I tell you to start doing something, it’s time for you to stop listening and start doing. Especially if… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To blame me in the past is a very future me thing to do. But what am I supposed to do, scapegoat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Water doesn’t shape like clay when you move it with your hands. I've spent a lot of time swimming, and none of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I spent about eight hours deep in thought over whether to get divorced. That may seem like a long time to ponder… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The six squares of our love didn’t add up to a cube. Still, I took the oddly-shaped box down to the post… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t call watches watches, I call them grasps, because one, they grasp onto your wrist, and two, time isn’t something you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Why did she want to see me for 15 minutes? I guess because half an hour was twice too long to say… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to alter the future. But so can setting your watch ahead five minutes. Trust me, I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My wallet was empty after the charity auction. Of course, my wallet was empty before the auction too. I donated my time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I used to spend a lot of time in lap pools. Growing up I was on a few swim teams. In Florida… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s not uncommon for me to be early to meetings by as much as a half a gallon. I guess the reason… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to live for a very, very long time, but it’s important that I take care of my body. When I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to do something for a living that when it comes time to retire and I can stop doing it, I’ll… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After a few years of not talking, I tried reaching out to my father, but by that time he was already a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every time I see my cat licking its asshole I think about my ex wife. But that’s how nostalgia works, right? We… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The flashing black line on an empty Word document reminds me that my life is counting down second by second, and that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As a thinker, and most writers would consider themselves thinkers, your competition is not only the whole world, but it’s also the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like to meet people and pretend I’ll never see them again. I tend to value things more if I think it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m writing a book, one letter at a time. After thirteen days, I just finished writing “Once upon a time.” Since it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a time travel device. I didn’t say it would work well, and you’d say it didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to divide people. All men who oppose me should get on top of the blanket, and all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life is made up of only one thing: the now. The past and the future could be considered dreams, if only they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wrote my name on the list 10 years ago, and under the date I wrote “In the future.” But how’d I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me F*** you. Then Ill go back to that person and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
