“Social media is a great tool for all of us introverts and decent people alike as it speeds up the time between… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead,… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh. — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can't imagine a time when I… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I just have this sense of entitlement that I should be able to feel comfortable at all times, like I could go… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
“... and left decimated. Not for myself, but for all the single women out there trying to date. I wanted to run to the… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard. — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.' — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
My mom made me think I was gorgeous. When I was younger she was like, 'Look at you! You're an angel. You sparkle!' And… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all. — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up. — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
“People often romanticize children or adults with special needs, as if they are innocent-yet-wise creatures who can humble us all into becoming better humans.… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Out of nowhere she tells me that Oliver Stone - you know, the director - she's like, 'He has this huge Asian fetish, and… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I really am a chick from Long Island who's just learning along with everyone. — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
