My mom made me think I was gorgeous. When I was younger she was like, 'Look at you! You're an angel. You… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I care about what the people I care about think about me. It's a short list, but I really care about what… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I want to quit. Not performing, but being a woman altogether. I want to throw my hands in the air, after reading… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Stand-up is not something that you're good at right away. You have to do it a ton. But, I think I got… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Whatever the joke is has to be funny, and not coming from a mean-spirited place. I think some things are totally off… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I was actually on two reality shows, which is crazy. Just to think that, out there, there was some guy, like flipping… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wiseass, so I think the mixture of the… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I've got a terrible person in me just as much as anybody else, and I think - I like to think I… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
“... and left decimated. Not for myself, but for all the single women out there trying to date. I wanted to run to the… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard. — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.' — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
My mom made me think I was gorgeous. When I was younger she was like, 'Look at you! You're an angel. You sparkle!' And… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all. — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up. — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
