Sarcastic Quotes · Page 37

Teacher: 'Why didn't you do your homework?' Student; 'Sorry, but Kanye West didn't let me finish...'

— Anonymous

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

— Homer Simpson

So my friend's little brother pretended he was Superman, and I whispered to my friend that it was too imaginative. His brother…

— Anonymous

You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

— P. J. O'Rourke

“Little-known fact about cheerleaders: They keep schedules that would make grown marines cry.”

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to…

— George Carlin

Love is like a roller coaster, when it's all over you throw up!

— Anonymous

Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.

— Oscar Wilde

You know, you have to be an optimist, a pessimist, sarcastic and pleasant all at the same time to be a photographer.

— Rondal Partridge

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. So said by the idiot who can't understand it.

— Ramandeep Singh

You are not even beneath my contempt.

— Anonymous

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God,…

— David Letterman

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in…

— Barack Obama

He makes a July's day short as December.

— William Shakespeare

Of course I can keep a secret. Its the people I tell it to who cant.

— Anonymous

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies

— John Cleese

Zombies are looking for brains. Don't worry. You're safe.

— Rose Hathway

You think your life is hard? Just think, there's a turtle out there has been flipped on its back and can't get…

— Pretty Ladii

You are unique. Just like everybody else.

— Paperjam

Cripple jokes are so mean, I can't stand them!

— Anonymous

Being the offspring of English teachers is a mixed blessing. When the film star says to you, on the air, 'It was…

— Dick Cavett

It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.

— Paul Newman

A woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hinter legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to…

— James Boswell

I dont hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank.

— Anonymous

He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

— Molly Ivins