I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, 'I have a problem with… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
My cat, Ethel, is an indoor cat but somehow she's sneakin' out at night. 'Cause the other morning I found a stamp… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I have a terrible problem with procrastination. A friend told me, "Well, you should go to therapy." And I thought about it,… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I've always said, I like my coffee like I like my men... I don't drink coffee. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
My name is Ellen and I'm a vegetarian. Just to add another label to me: I am a lesbian, aquarian and vegetarian.… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I wanted to have money; I wanted to be special; I wanted people to like me; I wanted to be famous. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I think what saved me is me being honest. I think I somewhow had the courage to do something and say something that I… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I think there's too much mult-tasking going on. I think people need to quiet down and focus and be still more. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
We can sit and worry about what's going to happen to us two weeks from now. I'd rather focus on the amazing things happening… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I had done a sitcom and a movie and hosted the Emmys, and all of a sudden, I lost everything. As someone put it… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Save a life this Thanksgiving, and join me in starting a new tradition by adopting a turkey instead of eating one through Farm Sanctuary's… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never.… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Actually this is really funny - one time she accidentally forgot to leave a note and I had no idea she had even moved.… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
A circus! 100 clowns of injustice have climbed out of the tiny clown car of this court room. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Gratitude is looking on the brighter side of the life, even if it means hurting your eyes. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
