On the three pigs he and his wife own: "We acquired the pigs last year. My wife was born on a pig… — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole. — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
When... I told my father I wanted to be a writer, he had asked me to consider my unfortunate wife, who would… — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
“Take sex, for instance.' 'What do you want me to do with it?' 'Try to be serious for a moment. Take the sex life… — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is. — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
Do we want blanks, asterisks and exclamation marks which people can fill in with their own imaginations, or are we prepared and strong enough… — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
Voting Liberal is a non-thing. Historically, it might be a good idea to have a Conservative government, because change is a good thing. But… — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs… — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
No brilliance is required in law, just common sense and relatively clean fingernails. — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
The people look forbidding, solemn, marked by that impossible ideal, Communism, which, like Christianity, seemed to demand too much of humanity and, falling into… — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
I try and treat my children from the age of ten months as if they were totally grown up, which I think is the… — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake; all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have… — John Mortimer Copy Share Image
![“Take sex, for instance.' 'What do you want me to do with it?' 'Try to be serious for a moment. Take the sex life of our father.' [...] Even after a couple of brandies he felt extremely reluctant to discuss sex and his father. 'It's something I'd rather not think about,' he said. 'We all come into…” quote by John Mortimer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/280/john-mortimer-7362_immaculate-conceptio_take-sex-for-instance-what-do-you-want-m_4946.jpg)
