“I made love to a woman on a boat once. It was still on the showroom floor, but the way I rocked… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you want me to have sex with you, I’ll have sex with you. If you want me to love you, I’ll… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If there were a speedometer that went from 0-1, that’d measure how fast I fell in love with you. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love tip # 29: Increase your chances of getting to second date by not having stinky garlic breath during the end of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m too busy to chew. That’s why I blend all my meals into smoothies, and I make love as slowly as ice… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love played an instrument, I’ll bet it would be the piano. 88 keys, double infinity, and the ability to chop down… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to win the love of a beautiful girl. The trick to getting it to work is just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made myself an “I Love Jennifer” jacket out of my old “I Love Jenn” jacket. Two girls, one continuous love. The… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The living have love for the dead, but the dead have no love for the living. I ought to know, because I’d… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love had its limits, and those limits tasted like lasagna, could you see yourself dating a can of chicken noodle soup?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to determine whether you are really in love or not. But you’re never going to be able… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I waste more time trying to save time than I would if I were merely inefficient. One woman told me I make… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My heart beats to the rhythm of the windshield wipers. I’d better never drive in the desert, unless I want to die.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My amazing feat features shoes (and feet)—it’s how far I’d walk for love. Guess how far? However far it is from the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There is nothing more romantic than candles and flowers, except candles that smell like flowers and flowers that can be burned, as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you rearrange the letters of “love,” you get “ovel.” I don’t know what an ovel is, but I know what it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a summer rainstorm in winter. Where I’m from that’s called romance. Where you’re from that may be called snow.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“While I love people, I hate every single person. I only like a person if they’re in a relationship.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My heartbeat’s so loud it’s like a tap dancer in my chest. No, it’s more like Mr. Morse, tapping out the code… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I ask God what I did to deserve her love. I maintain my innocence, and of all the forms of God’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love fell in love with another word, do you think that word would smell, taste, and rhyme with it? I think… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my laboratory, I use science to measure love. Whatever you do, don’t drink out of beaker number two.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If love covered as much of the earth’s surface as the oceans, would you still urinate in your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll tell you what love is. Love is walking up and down Archer Road in Gainesville, Florida and feeling like Cupid. Too… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m growing a love seat in my heart. It’s leather and covered in fur, from a mix up with my cat’s back,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She had two blueberries for eyes, and hair the color of strawberries. Too bad our love never made it past the kitchen… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: What is the price of love, and would you rather tally it with an abacus or an early… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like Atlantis, OK? And I’m just a humble scuba diver searching for treasure that I can exchange for sexual favors.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t know where you’re going, or even why you’re going, but I sure am glad that you are going. Be sure… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Rain is a nudist’s shower, and I want a bathtub the size of a lake. Then we could make love like your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The last time I saw love was in my imagination while reading a book on Thomas Jefferson. Isn’t the Constitution of the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to line the walls of the Love Chamber, to soundproof it so that nobody hears you scream. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the rainbow of love. Even if things get stormy, you know you can count on me. Call me Roy G.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I can’t see the bottom, I don’t know how much is left. Why does my love have to be so thick?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If Twinkies grew on trees, as nature intended, then I would like to irrigate your fertile valley. When we make love, bring… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I ask you, “What about love?”, there is no wrong answer. Unless you answered 34. That is definitely wrong.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
