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Listening Quotes by Daniel Tosh

1 Listening quote by Daniel Tosh

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Women can do anything men can do. Except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny (on purpose), reading a map, listening to…

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More by Daniel Tosh

Throwing a McDouble in the air at a fat camp and shouting, LET THE HUNGER GAMES BEGIN!

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Until I was thirteen I thought my name was Shutup.

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I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.

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I saw a guy wearing a "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelet and a Lance Armstrong bracelet, and he went up to this blind kid…

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Here's what I tell people now when they come to my shows: 'First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least…

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Doing a book signing tomorrow at Barnes & Noble. Bring your own book...I haven't written one yet.

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Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world…

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Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching…

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If you have ever typed 'sorry not sorry' I hope you die...not sorry.

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You should never eat when you're on the toilet. "But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole…

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I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not…

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I'll do anything usually if there's money involved and little work.

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