“I met a few chimpanzees on my pilgrimages and I wasn't sure if they were just shrivelled-up villagers or chimps...” — Jonathan Dunne Copy Share Image
“I notice that I don’t experience much self-doubt when I’m talking about the weather.” — Jason W. Freeman Copy Share Image
“See that car?’ It was Welch’s, parked slightly nearer one kerb than the other” — Kingsley Amis Copy Share Image
I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
“Didn't know you could measure distance so well with nothing but you bloody eyeballs” — James Dashner Copy Share Image
When I finally embraced abstinence it was because of the simple urge to work a longer day. Thus, without joining Alcoholics Anonymous,… — Clive James Copy Share Image
“Don't whine to your spouse about your daily troubles. He's had a harder day providing for you and your children. This is… — Lindsey Leavitt-Going Vintage Copy Share Image
“...and it's ridiculous that anyone would praise a child for standing with arms spread out on a wooden cross, as if she… — Amy Tan Copy Share Image
“Well, so you don't get too cocky, I myself often complete the TV Guide crossword puzzle." He puffed out his chest. "In… — Shelly Laurenston Copy Share Image
“Meaning 'by way of the anus'. 'Per Annum', with two n's, means 'yearly'. The correct answer to the question, 'What is the… — Mary Roach Copy Share Image
We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“[...] dropped his master's head upon the floor with a pretty loud crash, and then, without an effort to lift it up,… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for… — Rich Hall Copy Share Image
“Casting my eyes on Mr. Wemmick as we went along, to see what he was like in the light of day, I… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“An Irishman walks into a pub,” she begins and the bar went silent. “The bartender asks him, ‘What'll you have?’” Her Irish… — Fisher Amelie Copy Share Image
“Tell me, Mr. Bennet, how can we amuse you during your visit? Do you hunt?” Lady Catherine was spooning her turtle soup,… — Karen V. Wasylowski Copy Share Image
His wardrobe was extensive--very extensive--not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
I write for kids because I think the most interesting (and most humorous) stories come from people's childhoods. When I was writing… — Jeff Kinney Copy Share Image
What we're going for, in those humorous moments, is the absurdity of it all. The craziness of the night manager offering them… — Remi Aubuchon Copy Share Image
Gold, n.: A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then… — Mike Harding Copy Share Image
I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them. — Mae West Copy Share Image
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You can avoid reality;but u cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality — Ayn Rand Copy Share Image
“It saddened me that sometimes shopping was far more perilous than dealing with zombies and vampires.” — Anton Strout Copy Share Image
“jerk.smokes cigars.will die of lung cancer,hopefully soon.excellent physical shape.” — Becca Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
“You said, ‘Ramsey…oh Ramsey…please.’ Please, what?” She looked him straight in the eyes. “Please…let my people go!” — Tessa Dawn Copy Share Image
I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Seduction is the art of saying what you don't do in order to do what you don't say” — Löis Lancaster Copy Share Image
There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them. — Lord Byron Copy Share Image
Whenever faced with a difficult situation,try and find some humor in it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“If the Good Lord meant men to use percussion caps, he wouldn't have strung flint all over the ground.” — Taylor Anderson Copy Share Image
I love sharing my stories and experiences with people and connecting to them on both a humorous and emotional level. — Tori Spelling Copy Share Image
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college, — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
![“[...] dropped his master's head upon the floor with a pretty loud crash, and then, without an effort to lift it up, gazed upon the bystanders, as if he had done something rather clever than otherwise.” quote by Charles Dickens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9bc/charles-dickens-34_dropped_dropped-his-master-s-head-upon-the-floor_2843199.jpg)
