“If you can't beat them and don't care to join them, Then " FU*K THEM".” — Katraina L Flowers Copy Share Image
In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can't say it the other way around. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
“True...I hear voices in my head keep talking to me. The good thing for now is...I never answer them back.” — Timothy Pina Copy Share Image
Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride"... — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
“Time flies when you're falling down"...(not from a book, it's a lyric)” — Courtney Love Copy Share Image
Fathers should teach their sons how to earn money because mothers teach their daughters how to spend it. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“To be depressed or neurotic is passive. It has happened to all of us; we are its victims, are we have no… — William Glasser M.D Copy Share Image
This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Everyone was going crazy, like they’d just witnessed the birth of Jesus and the invention of electricity at the same time. Jude… — Nicole Williams Copy Share Image
“See? That’s it,” he said, waving his hand. “That’s part of what makes us so great, Luce. I’m crazy. You’re crazy. Together,… — Nicole Williams Copy Share Image
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A weapon needs a wielder; it should not be permitted to start its own fights." "You are not my wielder; you are… — Angelo Tsanatelis Copy Share Image
“To-day well, my Utopia, if ever I framed one, would be a land where the laws demanded that people should be vicious.… — Edward Verrall Lucas Copy Share Image
“You don't even know if she really likes you, Oberon said as we exited and I unlocked my bike. She could be… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf; the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“I want you back here now. I want you next to me now. I cannot believe that my family, your brother, all… — Mary Calmes Copy Share Image
The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Wait here, Miz Meg, and we'll holler when we're undressed and under the covers. We know it don't bother you seein' our… — Lorraine Heath Copy Share Image
“May we do it again? She sounds remarkably bright and cheerful. 'And I didn't bleed. My mother said I would experience great… — Janet Mullany Copy Share Image
“I think I’m coming up on the ess curve, so I’m going to hang up and concentrate on driving. In the snow.… — Lani Ames Copy Share Image
In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
That fellow seems to me to possess but one idea, and that is a wrong one. — Samuel Johnson Copy Share Image
“This must be the most embarrassing moment in my life. I am glad I am too ill to appreciate it fully.” — Janet Mullany Copy Share Image
People are your most valuable asset. Only people can be made to appreciate in value. — Stephen Covey Copy Share Image
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Americans are extremely gadget minded people and American gadgets have a peculiar characteristic: they work. — George Mikes Copy Share Image
I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last. — Al Forman Copy Share Image
“We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I always say, 'Thank goodness 'Wimpy Kid' was a comedy because my singing in that was more humorous than professional.' — Devon Bostick Copy Share Image
As long as you can savor the humorous aspect of misery and misfortune, you can overcome anything. — John Candy Copy Share Image
“Jack's doctors have told him he is crazy… but, the truth is, it's the Voices who are crazy, not him.” — Jennifer Daydreamer Copy Share Image
“When you want something done, you ask a man. When you want it done quietly and without any fuss, you ask a… — Mercedes Lackey Copy Share Image
“I'm rarely rude except accidentally, and that doesn't really count...” — Laura L. Sullivan Copy Share Image
![“[Like they say,] small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.” quote by Dave Courtney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fa2/dave-courtney-55723_artist_like-they-say-small-world-but-i-wouldn-t_1695798.png)
