The Heimlich maneuver works on house pets. My pit bull was choking on his dinner. I squeezed his stomach and the neighbor's… — Scott Wood Copy Share Image
“The preacher released a pent-up breath as he sagged in relief. “Thank God he's gone.” His eyes narrowed at Alexander as he… — Rose Wynters Copy Share Image
“The moonlight caught the glint of his lip ring, which he was now fondling with the tip of his tongue as he… — Holly Hood Copy Share Image
“Doode," George said. He'd practiced all morning but still didn't get it quite right. "Nope, more u , less oo . Duuude."… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
I think it's funny that nobody wants to be liked by Washington. All the politicians go, 'I don't like Washington. They don't… — Maz Jobrani Copy Share Image
Ya of course we're best friends...You cry I cry, You laugh I laugh, You fall off a bridge I laugh even HARDER.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's a funny thing about fame. The truth is you run as fast as you can towards it because it's everything you… — George Clooney Copy Share Image
“Isn't Glen an accountant? We're all frugal." These days, by necessity. "You might be frugal, but Glen is cheap. For Valentine's Day,… — Stephanie Bond Copy Share Image
“Oh! That is funny.' And the little prince broke into a lovely peal of laughter which annoyed me no end. I like… — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry Copy Share Image
As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So if I'm at the top of a slide, I have to… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
The Art of Conversation could not die in Australia; it never lived. Television did not kill it; there was nothing there to… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
I love to smile. I love to laugh. I like to hear jokes. For instance, when I'm on the road, every night… — Engelbert Humperdinck Copy Share Image
When I was younger I probably didn't understand something basic about tact, but I think it kept faint-hearted people at arm's distance… — Debra Winger Copy Share Image
The 2 rules of Judo training: 1) the teacher is always right and 2) when you think the teacher is wrong, refer to rule one. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People are funny, and in the most tragic situations, when comedy erupts from nowhere, it can turn on its head within the… — Sally Hawkins Copy Share Image
“You're serious?" "As a heart attack." I set my bag down and leaned on the counter. Okay, Hunter Zaccadelli, you could make… — Chelsea M. Cameron Copy Share Image
I have a problem. I have two brothers. One brother is a boatswain in the Navy, the other was put to death… — Myself Copy Share Image
It is funny because, honestly, there isn't much I got to do in 'Kabir Singh' in terms of acting, but many are… — Nikita Dutta Copy Share Image
I'm not one of those people that subscribes to that thing that you need any life experience to be funny or to… — Rhod Gilbert Copy Share Image
“When D's cabin caught fire, D was out of the country. Half the town-Christians and drinkers alike-came out to fight the fire… — John McPhee Copy Share Image
“He looked up at her and smiled crookedly, holding out a few sheets of paper. "Will you read this? i think maybe… — Rainbow Rowell Copy Share Image
That is the problem with comedy in India. Spoofing sells. Come up with original comedy about the hilarious nation we are, with… — Cyrus Broacha Copy Share Image
To make anything a habit, do it; to not make it a habit, do not do it; to unmake a habit, do… — Epictetus Copy Share Image
... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay,… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
I'm very physical. I'm extremely active, and I would love to do something a little more sexy and dangerous, a la Sophia… — Azita Ghanizada Copy Share Image
I like the end of the year to be about something. Especially with younger shows, the network pushes you to make self-contained… — Bill Lawrence Copy Share Image
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error. — Janet Coleman Copy Share Image
I always feel a little funny being in front of a lot of people trying to show them my approach to the… — Jake Shimabukuro Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the SHARE BROKER says, It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Our mums came on tour and mine was baffled by it all. She kept saying in the car: 'You just do this… — Leigh-Anne Pinnock Copy Share Image
“Yes you are right," said Pavel. "We will succeed simply because we are the best in all of world. We will get… — Cuthbert Soup Copy Share Image
After spending 16 years in studies I really appreciate my BRAIN which is divided into two parts Right And Left, In right… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have… — George Lopez Copy Share Image
Dear Gay Men, please stop being so much kinder, funnier and more attractive than straight men. It's depressing. Sincerely, All Single Women. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Baby I wake up every mornin for you and I want you to feel special... Nigga I'm just kidding, I got school… — J-Young Copy Share Image
“Three Denises wobbled in front of her, all of them watching her with fond concern. “You’re a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering… — Sarah Mayberry Copy Share Image
It's funny how you're nice to my face.It's hilarious how you talk shit behind my back and it's downright comical that you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What does a freelance researcher do?” “Researches things.” He winks at me and helps lift my bike onto a cobblestone walkway. “It’s… — Caroline George Copy Share Image
“I'm a whore!" Miki hit the brakes...her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?"… — Shelly Laurenston Copy Share Image
Drink 5 cups of milk and try to push the wall … And then drink 5 cups of alcohol and watch …… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
