What are you doing? Why are you concerning yourself with the meaning of meaning? — Neil deGrasse Tyson Copy Share Image
My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Never let your Ladys mind wonder. its too little to be out on its own — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Who wants to see me as Hamlet? Very few. But millions want to see me as Frankenstein so that's the one I… — Peter Cushing Copy Share Image
The death drive is parasitic. It runs off of other drives, leeching off of them. — Christopher Bollen Copy Share Image
The felt presence of immediate experience-- this is all you know. Everything else comes as unconfirmed rumor. — Terence McKenna Copy Share Image
Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, 'Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
LOVE, A word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle aged, and the mutual dependence… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did you understand the explanation… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
As with anything that involves emotional pain, comedy isn't too far behind. There's that element of no matter how painful something is… — Ben Miller Copy Share Image
I don't think I'm an intentional liar, but I'm a little bit of an exaggerator sometimes. If I'm exaggerating, and the journalist… — Autre Ne Veut Copy Share Image
Instead of hitting the garage door button, I hit the overhead light...then sat there and waited for the door to go down.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“She got icing all over her face. I think that's why I like her. For the good stuff, she's willing to get… — Laura Ruby Copy Share Image
“A very ladylike bosom,” she said, approvingly. “There’s nothing there,” I complained. The clerk grinned. “I have been fitting bras for twenty-five… — Marta Acosta Copy Share Image
If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In ‘life,’ I don’t want to be reduced to my work. In ‘work,’ I don’t want to be reduced to my life. — Susan Sontag Copy Share Image
The easiest time to be funny is during a fairly serious situation. That way you can break the ice. — Adam McKay Copy Share Image
The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Women are like coconuts. Sometimes you have to hit them really fucking hard before they will spread open. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. Rehab is for quitters. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate when an obese girl asks who I looks like. Her weight was 120 Kg, she looks like an elephant. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I usually try not to sound like an idiot but it's really hard because I am an idiot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go. — Alexander Woollcott Copy Share Image
If your shorts look like they're being eaten by your butt, they're not meant for you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward little dance You do when your trying to put on skinny jeans — Anonymous Copy Share Image
But resist we much. We must, and we will much- about that- be committed. — Al Sharpton Copy Share Image
I was always thinking the funny things but was always quiet and scared to be made fun of. — Nikki Glaser Copy Share Image
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A lot of people dont think of my work as being all that funny, but I think its hilarious! — Fred Tomaselli Copy Share Image
Muslims must decide, lest they end up divided by the very religion that calls upon them to unite. — Tariq Ramadan Copy Share Image
Your name still comes up at work whenever something goes horribly wrong and we don't want to take the blame. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its funny how super mario can smash bricks with his head but dies when he touch a freaking small turtle! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
