I tried taking everything in Life with a grain of salt, but after using up two bags of salt, I gave up. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
The greatest impurity is ignorance. Free yourself from it. Be pure. — Gautama Buddha Copy Share Image
You been raggedy since lil kim fitst came out...its queen bitch not rook not bishop not pawn but queen bitch — Katt Williams Copy Share Image
Boys, if you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect girls to look like Victoria's Secret angels. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You can be a homicidal madman and hilarious at the same time, you know,” — Michael Buckley Copy Share Image
It's funny because I grew up with the T.V. on 24 hours a day. And the more money I made, the more… — Gaby Hoffmann Copy Share Image
I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“You’re not mending anything, remember, Sand? The hedge.” He paused and shook his head at himself. “And Perrotte’s away for a few… — Merrie Haskell Copy Share Image
The audience is so important. Because there's something that I might think is super funny, but if it's just not getting the… — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
“Underwater, bubbles erupted before my eyes as a swift hand snatched my arm and pulled me to the surface. I gasped for… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
Summer is the season when a man thinks he can cook better on an outdoor grill than his wife can on an… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No one but John Oliver is going to be able to figure out the code of making a 20-minute monologue on futures,… — Moshe Kasher Copy Share Image
It's funny - sometimes when you approach people they get freaked out but occasionally you'll find a gem who's unselfconscious in front… — Lynne Ramsay Copy Share Image
“I had heard of Virginia before only in passing, a "crazy ex" with whom things had not ended well. I was accustomed… — Alana Massey Copy Share Image
I'm not saying she's whore,I'm just saying she uses the last man's semen to lube up for the next one. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them. — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
“If you are reading this, I'm dead. Don't celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.” — Katie Graykowski Copy Share Image
When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else. — Eleanor Roosevelt Copy Share Image
I try not to be too plot-heavy and to balance the dramatic with the comedic. — Edward Burns Copy Share Image
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A lot of the times, anything that somebody tries to say negative is actually kind of funny. — Sage Northcutt Copy Share Image
Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
There is merit without rank, but there is no rank without some merit. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld Copy Share Image
Where am I? Who am I? How did I come to be here? What is this thing called the world? — Soren Kierkegaard Copy Share Image
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it. — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
When we love deeply, love makes us do things we wouldn't otherwise do. — Craig Groeschel Copy Share Image
I have the sense that if I push too hard or too far into memory I’ll come apart. — Harold Brodkey Copy Share Image
Saying, That's crazy when you haven't been paying attention to what someone's saying. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ali’s got a left, Ali’s got a right, if he hits you once, you’re asleep for the night — Muhammad Ali Copy Share Image
I don't like egocentricity, which is something that I have arduously battled in myself my entire life. — Wojciech Kurtyka Copy Share Image
Don't listen to what anybody says except the people who encourage you. — Jake Gyllenhaal Copy Share Image
