I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that makes my children illegitimate. — Nancy Astor Copy Share Image
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. — Henry A. Kissinger Copy Share Image
I'm probably not very good at rom-com, being funny on demand; I'll leave that to the comedians. — Richard Armitage Copy Share Image
During the act of writing I have told myself something that I didn't know I knew. — Gail Godwin Copy Share Image
I Wanna Get Yu Sweatinq , I Wanna Get Yu Breathinq Hard ;D ……… So Yu Wanna Go Joqqinq With Me ;D ? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I… — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
“Don’t put your wand there, boy!” roared Moody. “What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!” “Who… — J.K. Rowling Copy Share Image
It's so funny how my name has always been such a big deal. When I was growing up, my family was always… — Calista Flockhart Copy Share Image
Most people tell me that what they are surprised about the most is that I sing really well, I always find it… — Jinkx Monsoon Copy Share Image
Watching a gorgeous vampire and buff werewolf battle for a girl's love is the perfect distraction from my inability to meet a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When somebody left you, people might say that, theres plenty of fishes in the sea but theres also sharks, seaweed and toxic… — Reymon Iglesia Copy Share Image
I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
My Mom always tells me to write A brief thank you note that's polite. To avoid her tongue-lash Thanks a bunch for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world! — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A laughing Lear would be monstrous. Not so a laughing Romeo and Juliet. — Mason Cooley Copy Share Image
Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still Id like to express my thanks. — Irving Berlin Copy Share Image
“I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death. ” — Dark Jar Tin Zoo Copy Share Image
Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it. — George Burns Copy Share Image
Life's pretty funny when you're objectively on the outside looking at it. — Philip Seymour Hoffman Copy Share Image
I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I trip every time I see you or hear your name. I guess I really did fall for you. — Ritu Copy Share Image
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. — Fred Allen Copy Share Image
If in the after life there is not music, we will have to import it. — Domenico Cieri Copy Share Image
When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us. — Alice Walker Copy Share Image
Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
Things which you do not hope happen more frequently than things which you do hope. — Plautus Copy Share Image
A weakness of this age is our inability to distinguish our needs from our greeds. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up. — Lynda Barry Copy Share Image
