Jim Norton

I like being single.

— Jim Norton

I'm always tired.

— Jim Norton

I hate my hair so much.

— Jim Norton

I get bored really fast.

— Jim Norton

I am a really bad boyfriend.

— Jim Norton

My job is to be funny.

— Jim Norton

I hate a well-lit room.

— Jim Norton

I'm very careful with my money.

— Jim Norton

Obviously I'm 100-percent for freedom of expression.

— Jim Norton

I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.

— Jim Norton

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

— Jim Norton

I'm a much nicer guy than people think I'm going to be.

— Jim Norton

I am a degenerate, and I know that.

— Jim Norton

To me the important thing for a comic to be is emotionally honest.

— Jim Norton

I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open

— Jim Norton

I don't have jokes that I can't defend.

— Jim Norton

It's nice to have funny friends. I like watching my friends perform.

— Jim Norton

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

— Jim Norton

Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.

— Jim Norton

I'm afraid if I start to enjoy life, the rug will be yanked out from beneath me.

— Jim Norton

Trevor Noah is a great, relevant young comic, and Comedy Central is smart to stand by him.

— Jim Norton

I have cowlicks, so my hair has always been a source of torture for me.

— Jim Norton

Everyone has a reason why their particular sacred cow is the sacred cow to be honored.

— Jim Norton

I love everything about Boston. The women are phenomenal, they're all dirty. It's just a really great place to do comedy.

— Jim Norton

Communicate and just be open with each other. Have an unpleasant talk once in a while so it does not turn into…

— Jim Norton

It's not a hard job, radio or standup, there are hard parts of it, sure. There are guys who do ten hours…

— Jim Norton

If someone doesn't like a comedian that's fine; a lot of people probably don't like my standup, and that's fine. But I…

— Jim Norton

If the show is going really well and the comedian is still annoyed with the audience, chances are he's a Boston comic.…

— Jim Norton

From now on, anyone raped at Penn State should just tell Joe Paterno's statue. It couldn't help you any less than the…

— Jim Norton

My whole existence is spent just trying to not shove bad food in my fat face. It's like a constant struggle. I'll…

— Jim Norton

The image people have of comedians staring defiantly over a stationary line of good taste is simply inaccurate. We don't approach this…

— Jim Norton

I always wore a hat. They were gonna throw me out of high school because I wouldn't take my hat off. But…

— Jim Norton

It's really the old question: Does art inspire life or does life inspire art? Maybe it's a combination of both. But Trump…

— Jim Norton

The more disgruntled the white people are, the happier they are to see me, that has to be it. I do really…

— Jim Norton

It just seems like right now we’re in a place where people are being witch-hunted for expressing an opinion. Even if it’s…

— Jim Norton

If I'm gonna make fun of Trump, I'm gonna tell you things that I've done that are similar. I like to tell…

— Jim Norton

Being a harsh, dirty comic, the last person on earth I ever expected to help my career was Jay Leno. I had…

— Jim Norton

What a shock that a guy who makes $2 million a week behaves exactly like I would with $2 million a week.…

— Jim Norton

Regular people are the problem. It's not the government, it's not the invasive Big Brother, it's the fact that we're a nation…

— Jim Norton

It's fun to pick the worst jokes you can think of.

— Jim Norton