Mario you are a great chef but you look like a homeless James Gandolfini. — Jim Norton Chef Copy Share Image
Comedians want honest discussion because it affects us. We make our living talking, so anything around language affects us greatly. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it. — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
No matter how many books I've sold, nothing can correct the fact I look like Alfred Hitchcock from the side. — Jim Norton Alfred Copy Share Image
People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't. — Jim Norton Belief Copy Share Image
I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids. — Jim Norton Children Copy Share Image
I find when most people are offended, it's phony. It's an attention-seeking device. So I love to call them out on it… — Jim Norton Attention seeking Copy Share Image
I want people to feel like there's nothing they have to be worried about laughing at. There's nothing that can't be made… — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
All major cities are the same. People have the same sensibilities and they get afraid of the same subjects, groaning at the… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I love doing the radio, and it's different every day. But stand-up is just you and the immediate reaction of the audience.… — Jim Norton Day Copy Share Image
I don't think any comedy is ever shocking. I don't buy that. That's just what people brand it, when someone is saying… — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
The only time the press doesn’t sensationalize information is when one of their own is kidnapped. Interesting how they show restraint then. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
A lot of racism is paternalism. A lot of people hide their own racism because they treat blacks, minorities and other groups… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
Apologies; our cultural obsession with them isn't about actually being offended, or simply needing to hear, “I'm sorry.” It's not really about… — Jim Norton Apologies Copy Share Image
People don't mind positive stereotypes. People don't mind positive assumptions. It's only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I don't worry about the crowds agreeing with me anymore. I want them to laugh and have a good time, but I… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like. — Jim Norton Embarrassed Copy Share Image
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester? — Jim Norton Birth Copy Share Image
I once had a therapist fall asleep on me. That really wrecks your self-esteem. — Jim Norton Esteem Copy Share Image
I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated. — Jim Norton Baby Copy Share Image
Google is not my friend. I've been way too open in my career. Google has killed any shot I have on the… — Jim Norton Career Copy Share Image
I know I'm funny, and I like to be in front of people, and the fact that I'm good at that. It's… — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
Realize that doing comedy is only going to make your depression worse. — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
I never expect anything. The more good things that happen the better, but I never expect anything. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
Americans have always been inconsistent and kind of fake with outrage, but we've just slipped totally upside-down. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I think people like to label everything. I just think it's comfortable. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I get away with 10 times more on 'Leno' than I would on any other show. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood. — Jim Norton Dumpsters Copy Share Image
For me, a good comedy town is filled with people on the verge of a riot. They need something to relieve the… — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
Anything you can do that's self-destructive in Vegas, whatever that is, I do it. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I'm not really great at writing things down unless for a roast or a particular event. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
Comics who consider themselves 'mavericks' or think the crowd doesn't get them are normally lousy comics. — Jim Norton Comic Copy Share Image
Every comic says things that are going to offend someone, so we all have to defend each other with this stuff. — Jim Norton Comic Copy Share Image
Here's the rule of thumb: When the entire family looks like the unibomber, they're against gay marriage. — Jim Norton Family Copy Share Image
Anyone who can't tell the difference between a joke and hate speech is just stupid. — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
I should call myself four market Norton. I'm great in Boston and Cleveland. I do good in Phillie, New Jersey. — Jim Norton Boston Copy Share Image
If I leave the mike in the stand, my hands absolutely move more. I'm not sure if it's a conscious thing. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD. — Jim Norton Funny Copy Share Image
The media is a very necessary thing in our country to keep people honest. — Jim Norton Country Copy Share Image
You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
