There is nothing like the local church when the local church is working right. — Bill Hybels Copy Share Image
When Guante started, they thought he'd be like popcorn, one of the most popular things around. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
In case of emergency exits can be located at the sign out, delete, deactivate, mute & block features Thank you for flying… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
That is not all I need. I need dogs. A house filled with dogs and a smart, funny, kind, loving girlfriend or… — Moby Copy Share Image
Funny isn’t it?” said Sebastian. “The lies good people tell. He’ll probably make you eggs every day for the rest of your… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, Something which is called a feast -- unfortunately, sometimes the appetiser is better than the main course; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I think so. I want a hamburger and a hot dog." I paused. “And ice cream in one of those waffle cones.… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
If your idea of a role model is somebody who's gonna preach to your kids that sex before marriage is wrong and… — Megan Fox Copy Share Image
Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
“According to the fortune-cookie logic most people live by, the best things in life are free. That's crap. I have a gold-plated… — Josh Lieb Copy Share Image
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Laughing together heartily at the same thing forms an instant bond. — Liz Curtis Higgs Copy Share Image
They played a Chris Brown marathon on the radio station today. It was hit after hit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“A drunken but exceedingly depressed German clown from Munich entertained the public.” — Fyodor Dostoyevsky Copy Share Image
I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Jim said he believed it was spirits, but I says: no, spirits wouldn't say "dern the dern fog".” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000 a week. — Joel Lindley Copy Share Image
Niggas tried to holla, but couldn't holla back Now they gots to swallow, everything in the sack. — DMX Copy Share Image
HEY , I just met you. And this is crazy , but you're a douchebag. Can you change that maybe? — Jaylon Hillsman Copy Share Image
A lot of times that I'm single is not for a lack of anyone being interested; it's me. — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
“Put me down, I’m too heavy.” “You’re small enough to fit in my pocket.” — Sarah Mayberry Copy Share Image
I m not flirting. Im just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive... — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Happiness comes out of contentment, and contentment always comes out of service. — Harbhajan Singh Copy Share Image
When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman. — Garry Shandling Copy Share Image
Are the things around you helping you toward success, or are they holding you back? — W. Clement Stone Copy Share Image
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
