Funny Quotes · Page 778

I think I'll just move on because at the end of the day I'm pretty sure you already did.

— Anonymous

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

— Nikhil Saluja

Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

— George W. Bush

Presence is the key to freedom, so you can only be free now.

— Eckhart Tolle

The world in which we live is the only world about which our senses can testify.

— Abraham Flexner

When you fuck over people who've been nothing but good to you, you create demons for yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's true: What one person might consider 'hate speech,' another might consider to be harmless, or even funny.

— Kat Timpf

When I was little sticking my tongue out was like giving some one the middle finger.

— Anonymous

Who controls the past now controls the future Who controls the present now controls the past Who controls the past now controls…

— Zack de la Rocha

In this age of crowds in which I have determined to be a solitary, perhaps the greatest sin would be to lament…

— Thomas Merton

Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish…

— Groucho Marx

“He patted my shoulder. "What's up with you? All of a sudden, you're bucking the system." "i got drunk and had an…

— J.C. Isabella

Johnny Sain don't say much, but that don't matter much, because when you're out there on the mound, you got nobody to…

— Casey Stengel

My big brother Ryan was funny and unfailingly kind. He was one of the most talented musicians you might encounte, and had…

— Rachel Hollis

I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was…

— Keanu Reeves

A sponge is a funny animal to center a show on. At first, I drew a few natural sponges - amorphous shapes,…

— Stephen Hillenburg

Next time you fart, turn to the nearest person and say, Did you hear that asshole talk shit behind my back?

— Green Monk

There are 2 reasons why we dont trust people: 1. We dont know them. 2. We do know them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Etc: The word that makes people think you are smarter than you really are.

— Nikhil Saluja

I thought I knew it all. Again, I knew absolutely nothing.

— Robert Pattinson

I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working.

— Peter Sellers

Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast he will play it, approximately.

— Eugene Ormandy

This is the curse of our age, that even the strangest aberrations are no cure for boredom.

— Stendhal

Pro-gas-ti-na-tion¦ Waiting to fill up your tank while hoping the gas prices will actually go down.

— Nikhil Saluja

I would do anything to be anywhere in the vicinity of Eckhart Tolle.

— Jim Carrey

One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.

— Robert Benchley

If you wanna go somewhere, you can do; nothing is stopping you.

— Louis Tomlinson

I stood among them, but not of them: in a shroud of thoughts which were not their thoughts.

— Lord Byron

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.

— Anne Lamott

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

— Anonymous

Please stop waiting for a map. We reward those who draw maps, not those who follow them.

— Seth Godin

My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it.

— Woody Allen

MARRIAGE, The continuous process of getting used to things you never expected;

— Nikhil Saluja

This is old, therefore it is good”; the other says, “This is new, therefore it is better.

— William Ralph Inge

Once you go great, you never go good..You never go back, even if you could..

— Iggy Azalea

Im not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights

— Hussein Nishah

I paint pictures which do not exist and which I would like to see.

— Leonor Fini

It is not as difficult as I thought it was, but it is harder than it is.

— Eugene Ormandy

Because of all these confession pages, Facebook feels like a goddamn church now.

— Satyajit Chhotaray

“No kind of social system can make you more happier and secure than your own money.”

— Amit Kalantri