When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic. — Jane Wagner Funny Copy Share Image
Nothing makes you realize you don't know what you want more than getting what you want. — Jane Wagner Getting what you want Copy Share Image
We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his hands for masturbation. — Jane Wagner Funny Copy Share Image
Like what's the point being a health nut by day if you're a coke head at night. — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
“I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.” — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. — Jane Wagner Life Copy Share Image
I worry that our lives are like soap operas. We can go for months and not tune in to them, then six… — Jane Wagner Goal Copy Share Image
One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and… — Jane Wagner Agnostic Copy Share Image
You don't know what it's like! Hyperactive twins! When they turned three, my doctor prescribed Ritalin -- I wouldn't dream of giving… — Jane Wagner Children Copy Share Image
It's not that I lack ambition. I am ambitious in the sense that I want to be more than I am now.… — Jane Wagner Ambition Copy Share Image
I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu! — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
To think, we have the garment industry instead of nature to thank for the zipper concept when it would have come in… — Jane Wagner Childbirth Copy Share Image
If evolution was worth its salt, by now it should've evolved something better than survival of the fittest. I think a better… — Jane Wagner Evolution Copy Share Image
Frankly, goin' crazy was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't say it's for everybody; some people couldn't cope. — Jane Wagner Best thing that ever happened to me Copy Share Image
They asked me once my thoughts about infinity, and I told em with all I had to think about, infinity was not… — Jane Wagner Infinity Copy Share Image
I made some studies, and reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. I can take it… — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
We speculated what it was like before we got language skills. When we humans had our first thought, most likely we didnt… — Jane Wagner Communication Copy Share Image
The hardest part about being a kid is knowing you have got your whole life ahead of you. — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
It's one thing to tolerate a boring marriage; a boring affair does not make sense. — Jane Wagner Affair Copy Share Image
I feel like my life is just passing me by like two ships in the night. And I have missed both boats. — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
Sex is such a personal thing - why do we insist on sharing it with another person? — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
Lifes greatest thoughts usually come to you when you forget youre thinking. — Jane Wagner Thinking Copy Share Image
I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you. — Jane Wagner Death Copy Share Image
Just think: your family are the people most likely to give you the flu. — Jane Wagner Family Copy Share Image
A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential? — Jane Wagner Full potential Copy Share Image
... it's hard to be politically conscious and upwardly mobile at the same time. — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
I am sick of being the victim of trends I reflect but don't even understand. — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
When you're dancing the mystical dance of the molecules, you're not the one who's leading. — Jane Wagner Dance Copy Share Image
