I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me. — Homer Copy Share Image
When I was younger, I would put my face close to a fan & talkto hear my robot voice...Lol. I still do… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I make home movies-therefore I live. I live-therefore I make home movies — Jonas Mekas Copy Share Image
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Dear Bathrooms, You're taking all my business away. Sincerely, Real photo booths — Ana Chable Copy Share Image
While conscience is our friend, all is at peace; however once it is offended, farewell to a tranquil mind. — Mary Wortley Montagu Copy Share Image
America is a funny place; it's a land of extremes, I think. There's fantastic, and there's gobsmackingly dreadful. In every realm you… — Passenger Copy Share Image
The funny thing is that, for some reason, people think when you're pregnant, you have to start wearing maternity wear and wear… — Coco Rocha Copy Share Image
“ the way people treat shifters can be amusing." "Discrimination is never funny." "You're a righteous woman, Kim. I like that." "How… — Jennifer Ashley Copy Share Image
Valentines Day Drinks: $80. Dinner: $75. The room: $250. The look on his face when she says Im on my period: Priceless. :) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'Hanna' doesn't maintain social norms. She doesn't have those boundaries. She speaks her mind and is very physical and funny. — Esme Creed-Miles Copy Share Image
“I groaned. "All the time. I thought I was going crazy." "Duude," he said in agreement. "And before the Flash, all kinds… — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
“Alex the waiter was on my Spank Naughty list in third place, right after Henry Calvill the actor, then Henry Calvill as… — Penny Reid Copy Share Image
People come up to me in supermarkets and demand humour. And the less amusing I am, the more they piss themselves. So… — Steve Coogan Copy Share Image
The doctor asks the patient what is wrong, and then the patient asks the doctor what is wrong. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
I've heard that the eyes are the window to the heart, so I bought me a new pair of shades. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The history of the meadow goes like this. No one owns it, no one ever will. — James Galvin Copy Share Image
Nothing can come out of nothing, any more than a thing can go back to nothing. — Marcus Aurelius Copy Share Image
Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience — Oupa Copy Share Image
I grew up knowing women are hilarious. There was a lot of respect. — Jamie-Lee O'Donnell Copy Share Image
We Love Water. We Thank Water. We Respect Water. We Are All Water. We Are All One. — Masaru Emoto Copy Share Image
Why did Susan fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susan. — Deezy Da Dreadhead Copy Share Image
Anyone who is funny and doesn't take herself to seriously is attractive to me. -Niall Horan — One Direction Copy Share Image
Today you are you. Thats truer than true. Theres noone alive that is youer than you. :) — Dr Seuss Copy Share Image
Human beings are like tea-bags. You don't know your own strength until you get into hot water. — Bruce Laingen Copy Share Image
Roses are red Violets are blue, I was born beautiful What happened to you? — Myothersweetangel199 Copy Share Image
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes. — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
I follow the quote, Always be true to yourself because I only lie to others — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wife; and at forty, the judgment. — Benjamin Franklin Copy Share Image
I like to have fun and be funny, but I'm much more of a thinker. — Keenen Ivory Wayans Copy Share Image
I was always good at being observationally funny - like, contributing something funny to the conversation. — Jon Hamm Copy Share Image
We can hardly wait for you to blow your tax refund on our destination wedding. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
