“He glanced up once, eyes bored. “Please stop talking. I’m trying to eat.” — Kate Avery Ellison Copy Share Image
You know what I ask Jewish liberals? 'Why don't you preach what you practice?' — Dennis Prager Copy Share Image
Ciara’s new single is a complete rip-off of Usher’s ‘U Got It Bad,’ — Jermaine Dupri Copy Share Image
My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Sorry. Im no longer in a mood to post anything anymore. someone in this house upset me.i don't want to even attempt… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know you're addicted to Call of Duty when you go to work, take your boss's suitcase, make beeping sounds, and then… — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
Females love saying I'm single but soon when a ugly nigga ask for they number her 1st line iz awww I cant… — IG:Catone_2funny Copy Share Image
“No, this isn’t funny. She’s got to realize what she’s getting herself into. Our society isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s… — Nicole Gulla Copy Share Image
“...life is a funny thing. We go through ups and downs, winters and summers, but somewhere, sometimes, it's good.” — Ron McLarty Copy Share Image
If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Growing up, there were TV shows that were very funny but very traditional. Classic things like 'Fawlty Towers,' obviously, and 'Blackadder' were… — Edgar Wright Copy Share Image
A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy… — Arthur Conan Doyle Copy Share Image
There is a place where cerebral an corporeal meet: they call it rowing — Barry S. Strauss Copy Share Image
I hate being tickled, I do not think it's cute, I do not find it funny, I will kick you in the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“When the power of Jesus fails you, then you know you truly are shit out of luck.” — Guillermo del Toro Copy Share Image
The only right is what is after my constitution; the only wrong is what is against it. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
The reality of a poem is a very ghostly one. It suggests, it suggests, it suggests again. — Mark Strand Copy Share Image
The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.' — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
As soon as I finished skating, watching video of me stealing baseball bags was funny. — Eddy Alvarez Copy Share Image
Mansell is slowing it down, taking it easy. Oh, no he isn't! It's a lap record. — Murray Walker Copy Share Image
From the first time I saw you I knew I was going to have real and/or imaginary sex with you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Woman Law: My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Any fool can carry on, but a wise man knows how to shorten sail in time. — Joseph Conrad Copy Share Image
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Success is like Halley's comet, you know. Every now and then it just comes around. — Ross Perot Copy Share Image
If you can see things out of whack, then you can see how things can be in whack. — Dr. Seuss Copy Share Image
Wondering if you're adopted because your the only sexy one in the family.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A woman knows she's wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off. — Robert Paul Copy Share Image
There has never been an American tragedy. There have only been great failures. — F. Scott Fitzgerald Copy Share Image
