I feel like I'm at the point in my career where I'm ready to be the next big funny movie star. — Josh Blue Copy Share Image
Only lawyers would refer to something as a brief that takes hours/days/weeks to write and is 30 pages long. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman, then always be Batman.” — Jayy Von Monroe Copy Share Image
Cats can be very funny, and have the oddest ways of showing they're glad to see you... — W. H. Auden Copy Share Image
A good friend helps you when you fall. A Best Friends laughs in your face and trips you again! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Flower Salesman: the white penni is very pretty Man: I heard that the black penni is bigger — 5 Year Engagement Copy Share Image
Things people say strike me as amusing, and I am prone to saying out loud what everybody's thinking. — William Shatner Copy Share Image
You know, it's funny, I know a lot of people outside of football in different businesses, whatever it is. And they're in… — Joel Glazer Copy Share Image
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
In all my years as an actor, I had never been me - I had always hidden behind my glasses, mustaches and… — Jon Pertwee Copy Share Image
“Sometimes we know people who are too wonderful for words. I am not one of them. Or you, for that matter, as… — Michael Hogan Copy Share Image
You don't want to have to be the man and the woman in the relationship. I always say you want a man… — Pamela Anderson Copy Share Image
I'm not offended. Lenny Bruce taught me that everything's funny. You can make everything funny. I don't think that assassinations are funny,… — Larry King Copy Share Image
The issue we are reluctant to talk about is even more sensitive than condoms. The issue - and I will try to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I have no tolerance for dudes that cheat on their beautiful girlfriends for something that looks like it belongs in the zoo — Ana Chable Copy Share Image
When you make a joke ans someone you hate laughs,No bitch you arent aloud to laugh!:) — Gorgeous_girl Copy Share Image
There is a special place in hell for those guys who make fake accounts and act to be girls on fb ... — Danish Copy Share Image
You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody. — Colin Quinn Copy Share Image
A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though.” — Robert DeCoteau Copy Share Image
My life is a painful battle between my love to FOOD and not gaining WEIGHT. Funny but true :) ;-) — Avi Chauhan Copy Share Image
The follies of youth become the vices of manhood and the disgrace of old age. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you want to be great, do it. There’s nothing holding you back. It’s all in your control. — Pete Carroll Copy Share Image
Sometimes love swaps with hate that's the great thing god has made… — Nishant Grover Copy Share Image
I really like Arsenal. But you, do you like Arsenal? Or just Arsenal with Trophies? — Dennis Bergkamp Copy Share Image
It is right to be content with what we have, never with what we are. — James Mackintosh Copy Share Image
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A news paper seems more intresting when . . . The person sitting next to you is reading it... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When you are ignorant about something, to know that you are ignorant about it - that is knowledge. — Confucius Copy Share Image
Everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if... — Nancy Lopez Copy Share Image
Everything that has been is eternal: the sea will wash it up again. — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That's the new American dream. — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
The real question is: how can I live so that my death will be fruitful for others? — Henri Nouwen Copy Share Image
The road through grief is a rocky one. Traveling along it requires courage, patience, wisdom, and hope. — Candy Lightner Copy Share Image
What do you call 500 lawyers lying on the bottom of the Ocean? A good start.. — Danny DeVito Copy Share Image
She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet. — Julie Andrews Copy Share Image
