Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends Over And over again that you love them. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There is so much life underneath the water that we dont know about. — Cameron Bright Copy Share Image
“We only need to wear shoes because the British built roads which hurt our feet.” — Anthony Burgess Copy Share Image
When I say I miss school, I mean the friends and the fun. Not the school. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You do serve at least one useful purpose in life, as a horrible example. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Feelings are just like erections. The more you hide it, the more it kills you inside. — Armstrong Smith Copy Share Image
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
In L.A relationships don't last. You go on a vacation and break up by the time you come home. Thank God for… — Judy Carter Copy Share Image
“I was of course discussing the book of Leviticus. I don't know why your mind is so filthy these days, Bingley. ” — Marsha Altman Copy Share Image
I have a friend who is a juggler. If I'm at his house, I don't like to take food from him, if… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“You can call me Pastor-and before Mr. Sox Fan gets his panties in a wad, I want everyone to know I'm legit.… — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
When you're in @#*!#-ing hell, your forehead can feel a wee bit feverish. (By the way, that's the way my wife actually… — Paul Reiser Copy Share Image
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I… — Tracy Smith Copy Share Image
The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“You're baking?" "Yes." "It's almost midnight." "I specialize in late-night kitchen disasters.” — Jenna Evans Welch Copy Share Image
I never leave my house. Then I don't have to put a bra on, and I don't have to change my pants. — Jennifer Lawrence Copy Share Image
I wish my phone never ran out of battery and my fridge never ran out of food. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't care if I'm funny. I just want people to believe I'm that guy. — Jim Piddock Copy Share Image
Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Im a musician first, a food-lover second, a dirty mouth with feet, and a girl last time I checked. — Tori Amos Copy Share Image
Even when a friend does something you do not like, he continues to be your friend. — Genghis Khan Copy Share Image
These mercenaries, I swear by God, those who are still in Washington, they have sent their troops to be burned. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
I have decided to leave my past behind, so if I owe you money, I'm SORRY, but I've moved on. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax - tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. — Pearl Williams Copy Share Image
Beth: Are you stalking me now? Nick: No, I'm just running into you in a premidetated manner — When In Rome - Beth Copy Share Image
I learned very early in my life never to take counsel in my fears. — George S. Patton Copy Share Image
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I'd love to watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother without you pointing out Neil Patrick Harris is gay. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My friends are the kind that'd be hitting on firemen when the house is burning down. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
'The Descendants' somehow made death and adultery funny at times. — Ashlan Gorse Cousteau Copy Share Image
My understanding is that you get to choose which of your thoughts to go with. — Anne Lamott Copy Share Image
They are becoming hysterical. This is the result of frustration. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
