Always have something beautiful in sight, even if it's only a poster on a wall. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it. — Monica Piper Copy Share Image
Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth — Benjamin Dm Copy Share Image
Its funny when you find out afterword that you were being played the whole time. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings. — Paula Poundstone Copy Share Image
Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall. — Alan Bennett Copy Share Image
That awkward momment when you get up to go pee in the middle of the night and run back to your room… — Imansta Copy Share Image
It's not all about love. That's half of it... The other half is about that moment you have with yourself when you're… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
I hate when a guy looks at me and I cant tell if hes thinking I'm cute or if hes thinking, 'How… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I shook my head. She kissed my cheek, then on her way out patted Zachary's shoulder in a way that said, If… — Jeri Smith-Ready Copy Share Image
I don't follow anything blindly. I have to know the entire thing, if I have to get in to it. It might… — Kailash Kher Copy Share Image
“One of the multitudes of exboyfriends had been a country music fan and left Gemma with an unfortunate passion for Tammy Wynette.… — Liane Moriarty Copy Share Image
“I reach up and pat them both on the head. "Poor things. If you had a boy that looked like Logan, you'd… — C.J. Redwine Copy Share Image
I was funny in a way that was not dissing the teacher; I was funny just to be funny. A real charmer… — Jason Mantzoukas Copy Share Image
Do not ever make fun of fat people, their life is nothing less than a punishment. — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
Religion is like a pair of shoes…Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead? — Jack Whitehall Copy Share Image
Xavier would be such a great burger. He's all covered in spread... — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
“What?" I asked, swallowing a mouthful. "You remind me of me." "That can't be good." I took another mouthful.” — Courtney Allison Moulton Copy Share Image
The roses have wilted, The violets are dead, Sugar is lumpy And so is your head. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom. — Noel Coward Copy Share Image
Don't be with someone, because it's easy. Be with someone, because you love them, even if it's difficult! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it's bottomless. — Pema Chodron Copy Share Image
Why is it ok when a whites person tell a racist joke and they say just kidding fuck its till racist — Marquez Copy Share Image
I thought LeBron James was just going to be another addition to help me score — Ricky Davis Copy Share Image
I dont think I can ever stab someone. lets be honest I can barely get the straw in the CAPRI SUN — Ana 13 Copy Share Image
If the knocking at the door is loud and long, it is not opportunity, it is your relatives. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
Friends feel rude when they go in your cupboards; best friends don't even ask! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“So you thought you could shit and eat at the same time. How disgustingly convenient.” — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
There was a time when you were not. There never will be a time when you will not be. — Adrian Rogers Copy Share Image
