It's in our own lives, every single day, whether we recognize it as funny at the moment or not. — Sean Astin Copy Share Image
No, officer I'm not drunk! The reason I'm walking like this is because I'm avoiding snipers. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
“Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.” — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
My dad had a great sense of humor; he was a very funny guy and did know how to laugh. — Mary L. Trump Copy Share Image
I predict Obama will get an early lead, then all the Republicans will get off of work. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I am interested only in the unknown and I work for my own astonishment. — Roberto Matta Copy Share Image
I have no agenda except to be funny. Neither I nor the writers profess to offer any worldly wisdom. — Julia Louis-Dreyfus Copy Share Image
People think I am funny all the time. But I am not. I am serious, too. Also, I enjoy serious, dramatic films. — Kapil Sharma Copy Share Image
“(The Mona Lisa), that really is the ugliest portrait I’ve seen, the only thing that supposedly makes it famous is the mystery… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
In time you'll look back and realize some relationships weren't meant to be. Once you accept your new life, and freedom things… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“101 Reasons Why its great to be a woman : We have three times the amount of potential sick leave. Take into… — Summersdale Publishers Copy Share Image
Do you think it's funny to be so serious when I'm not even out of high school?' she asked. 'I don't see… — John Steinbeck Copy Share Image
I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
The greatest of people that have ever been in society, they were never versions of someone else. They were themselves. — Neil deGrasse Tyson Copy Share Image
For the benefit of those of you who have real jobs and are not involved in the news business, I should first… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Never put you'r Easter basket down and walk away then try and get it later. Some random kid will fight you to… — Joe Lecuyer Copy Share Image
“How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag?” — Madi Brown Copy Share Image
That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. — Joe Rogan Copy Share Image
True success is what you have done compared to what you could have done. — Myles Munroe Copy Share Image
Person: YOU GET ON MY F*CKING NERVES! Me: So you're gonna caps-lock me to death? — Psyche_Zeroh Copy Share Image
A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is, I've died so many times. — Billy Corgan Copy Share Image
This time of year is tough on many people. Help'em out by shouting SHUT UP as often as possible. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It is not our comment on the Word that saves, but the Word itself. — Robert Murray M'Cheyne Copy Share Image
Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. — Bob Thaves Copy Share Image
Sabbath is not simply the pause that refreshes. It is the pause that transforms. — Walter Brueggemann Copy Share Image
People naturally want to retweet and engage on super funny videos and memes. — Jake Paul Copy Share Image
BITCHES BE TRIPPIN! ... Grandma please, stop sticking out your cane when people walkby. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino. — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
People always quick to judge you, but never take the real timeto get to know you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Now that I'm 91, as opposed to being 90, I'm much wiser. I'm much more aware and I'm much sexier. — Betty White Copy Share Image
The challenge of ultrarunning is 90 percent mental, and the other 10 percent is all in our heads — Ray Zahab Copy Share Image
You are not punching them; it is your going into kamae that punches them. — Masaaki Hatsumi Copy Share Image
Make a drawing. Start it all over again, trace it. Start it and trace it again. — Edgar Degas Copy Share Image
Homes that are built on anything other than love are bound to crumble. — Billy Graham Copy Share Image
Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English. — David Cross Copy Share Image
