Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!' — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Million dollar idea: A smart phone that doesn't receive phone calls. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whoever said blood is thicker than water needs to have some of my family. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It is better to have burnt & lost, then to never have barbecued at all. — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
When at night you cannot sleep, talk to the Shepherd and stop counting sheep. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd rather try and cram in another two gags than leave a pause to say, 'Hey, wasn't that bit funny?' — Edgar Wright Copy Share Image
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece… — Axl Rose Copy Share Image
It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If 'is' means 'is and never has been' that's one thing… — William J. Clinton Copy Share Image
“That’s what you do. With your father. You flip it. Just sort of own whatever it is. Not just with him. You… — Huntley Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
I just remember one girl really getting me on the field and beating the holy crap out of me. I never to… — Shirley Ballas Copy Share Image
If you're funny and working in education, I think the perception is that you're either inspirational or awful. So which was I?… — Greg Davies Copy Share Image
A beautiful girl is always hated by the other girls around her for two reasons, jealousy and attraction of the boys towards… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When you see a movie you haven't seen in years, and suddenly it all makes sense, because you were originally too young… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like to be aware and know what's going on, but at the same time I like to be in my own… — Chris Redd Copy Share Image
A push up bra is like a bag of chips; you open the bag and it's half empty. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nothing is better for being Eternal Nor so white as the white that dies of a day. — Louis Zukofsky Copy Share Image
It is no more in our power to love always than it was not to love at all. — Jean de la Bruyere Copy Share Image
A marriage is the official licence to exploit the labour of wedded husband. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
Faith is a decision we make about where we are going to put our trust. — Joyce Meyer Copy Share Image
“I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much.” — Katie McGarry Copy Share Image
I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded." — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Spending a long time writing a really long message then accidentally pressing the back button. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I hate it when Im at school nothing crazy happens but as soon as I miss a day something crazy pops off. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury. — John Oliver Copy Share Image
I'm sorry, did the beginning of my sentence inturrupt the middle of yours? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“How in the world do you tellyour wife that her mother was born a unicon?” — Bruce Coville Copy Share Image
But Phileas Fogg, who was not traveling, but only describing a circumfrence,... — Jules Verne Copy Share Image
Marvelous Marv was holding down first base. This is like saying Willie Sutton works at your bank. — Jimmy Breslin Copy Share Image
Dear voices in my head, talk separately so we can all understand each other, thank you. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
What I find is that you can do almost anything or go almost anywhere, if you're not in a hurry. — Paul Theroux Copy Share Image
It requires as much reflection and wisdom to know what is not to be put into a sermon, as what is. — Lord David Cecil Copy Share Image
