It was not his habit to dwell on what could have been, but what could never be. — Alan Paton Copy Share Image
What is the fastest thing in the world? Milk, because it's pasteurized before you see it! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Lol. I'm at a hotel and theres no spoons in the room, so I'm eatingnutella with a straw. -. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I am one of those people who isn’t great at anything, but I’m pretty good at most things. — Tom Ford Copy Share Image
If you can be not afraid to be laughed at, you could do so many things. — Mark Gonzales Copy Share Image
It's so much easier to sit home and not exercise and criticize other people. What I love is inspiring people. People come… — Gwyneth Paltrow Copy Share Image
You cant worship God until you surrender. You cant surrender unless you trust. You cant trust Him unless you know him. You… — Collins Hasty Copy Share Image
Before 'Sunny' came along, I would audition and do chemistry reads with very funny actors. And then they would cast someone who… — Kaitlin Olson Copy Share Image
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore... A friend of mine was wearing one yesterday when he got stabbed by the woman's husband. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I like eggs and bacon,” George tells me. “But”—his face clouds—“do you know that bacon is”—tears leap to his eyes—“Wilbur?” Mrs. Garrett… — Huntley Fitzpatrick Copy Share Image
What's funny is that all the artists I've collaborated with, I get this feeling that they want me to win. They're always… — Stefflon Don Copy Share Image
It's kind of funny, with all of the different outlets that come from acting that you could try, I would love to… — Imogen Poots Copy Share Image
It's not a question of money anymore. I spend money like it's nothing. You know, I could be penniless tomorrow, but I'd… — Freddie Mercury Copy Share Image
“A million possible endearments ran through his head. But he said, “Help.” — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people? — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I adore you even more than the people of North Korea are forced to adore Kim Jong-un. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
All things I thought I knew; but now confess The more I know, I know, I know the less. — John Owen Copy Share Image
The moment yo're laughing so hard and you try and stop, but you look at the person again and laugh. :3 — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls are like Pokemon, it doesn't matter how good you are, you can't catch any if you don't have any balls. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I can eat you at breakfast, not because I am a monster; it is only because you are too cute and yummy.” — M.F. Moonzajer Copy Share Image
Graduation is when your summers of unpaid internships finally earn you a full-time unpaid internship. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Be yourself. Unless you have the option to be Batman, then always be Batman. — Mike Dirnt Copy Share Image
Drink often drives a man to misfortune and misfortune often drives a man to drink. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?' — Gabriel Iglesias Copy Share Image
God made every person different.He got tired by the time he came to China. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn't even started. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
Wow! We beat him! I mean, yeah technically he fell off a cliff but, we still won. — Po - The Dragon Warrior Copy Share Image
That clergyman soon becomes an object of contempt who being often asked out to dinner never refuses to go. — St. Jerome Copy Share Image
If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete! — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks for coming.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Honeymoon is a trial period in which no complaints will be accepted. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for my excitement to hate someone new I wouldn't leave my bed in the morning. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When I make a mistake - I'm an idiot. When my boss makes a mistake... You know, he's only human! — Rashida Rowe Copy Share Image
