There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I'm not funny ha-ha, but I look for real humour in just about everything I've ever played. — William Fichtner Copy Share Image
The accents are really really funny. I think I could convince somebody I was from New Zealand. — Carter Jenkins Copy Share Image
Genius do what it must,talent do what it can,and I do what I get paid for!!!!! — Ella B Copy Share Image
President Bush gave a rousing speech to the United Nations General Assembly. Afterward, in a touching show of support, every foreign dignitary… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
When they played, it wasn't music. It was the sound of chaos. I knew it was the sound of chaos because you… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I realised that if you get yourself labeled as the funny one, people don't look any further. I've used that as I've… — Catherine Tate Copy Share Image
Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf… — A Josland Copy Share Image
“I love you. I hate you. I like you. I hate you. I love you. I think you’re stupid. I think you’re… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
I don't want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn't seem smart for me to be in a comedy… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
It is not the irregular hours or irregular diet that makes the romantic life. — Ralph Waldo Emerson Copy Share Image
I don't spend much time on Twitter. I joined because I found it funny. — Tahar Rahim Copy Share Image
Don’t wear what you question, wear what you think is right for you. — Karl Lagerfeld Copy Share Image
Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld Copy Share Image
Women are like plug sockets. You have to stick something into all three holes before they work. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Mardi Gras, baby. Mardi Gras. Time when all manner of weird shit cuts loose and parties down.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you're mad at someone, and then they make you laugh!.. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Memory is a crazy woman who hoards colored rags and throws away food. — Austin O'Malley Copy Share Image
If you hate someone and you want to screw their life, introduce them to Twitter. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was a very quiet child growing up. I always knew that I was funny - I just never put it to… — Spoken Reasons Copy Share Image
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem. — George Burns Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when the titanic sunk because the look out guys were watching rose and jack makeout. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
The willow which bends to the tempest often escapes better than the oak which resists it. — Walter Scott Copy Share Image
I don't have the first clue who he is talking about, because all I worry about is Jerome. — Jerome James Copy Share Image
Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
God gives us only what we can handle.. Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Success comes from doing what you enjoy. If you don't enjoy it, how can it be called success? — David Maister Copy Share Image
If a cop pulls me over and he says papers and I say scissors does that mean I have won — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I can't see anything" he said in a muffled voice, hand over his eyes. "I'm blind.” — L.J. Smith Copy Share Image
I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
