Attack the evil that is within yourself, rather than attacking the evil that is in others. — Confucius Copy Share Image
I have no knowledge of myself as I am, but merely as I appear to myself. — Immanuel Kant Copy Share Image
The scholar does not consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but loyalty and good faith. — Confucius Copy Share Image
There are some who died because they were fasting, and they were crammed in tight. — Thaksin Shinawatra Copy Share Image
Leadership is not a license to do less. Leadership is a responsibility to do more — Simon Sinek Copy Share Image
The funny thing is I'm not even Latin. I was constantly getting Latin roles, and I was like, I even was nominated… — Vanessa Ferlito Copy Share Image
I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he says, "What?" So I say it again, and… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Un mari, comme un gouvernement, ne doit jamais avouer de faute. A husband, like a government, never needs to admit a fault. — Honore de Balzac Copy Share Image
When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to… — Nicole Richie Copy Share Image
Comedy in the past hasn't spoken to women because it wasn't written by women, and male writers don't make women three-dimensional characters.… — Michaela Coel Copy Share Image
Being funny should be an incidental byproduct of trying to get to something truthful, not a destination in itself. — Alain de Botton Copy Share Image
It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't like you, you're going to know about… — Julia Roberts Copy Share Image
The only thing more frustrating than slanderers is those foolish enough to listen to them. — Criss Jami Copy Share Image
The next person who says, Its not the heat, its the humidity will learn that its not my fist, but the impact. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The Simpsons are ugly-looking, and they should be. That's what works. That's one of the things that's funny. — Seth MacFarlane Copy Share Image
My wounds from pole dancing! Wait til you see this episode of DH! Hilarious! Worth the pain! — Eva Longoria Copy Share Image
When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
When a man begins to be hilarious in a sorrowful way you can bet a million that he is dyeing his hair. — O. Henry Copy Share Image
FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Baeyer-a chemist who was more of an encyclopedist than a researcher. — Richard Willstatter Copy Share Image
“Gimme an S! A T! An O! A C! Followed by a K-H-O-L-M! What's it spell? HEAD FUCK. - Jane” — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
When it comes down to it, @Taskrabbit is about neighbors connecting with neighbors — Leah Busque Copy Share Image
Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm always drunk when I do it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Be the kind of woman that, when your feet hit the floor every morning, the devil says, 'Oh, crap. She's up.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win. — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
It might be funny when you get hit by a car, but not when you get run over by one. — Rob Campbell Copy Share Image
“The Church being what she is cannot have the instincts of a gentleman.” — George Everett Macdonald Copy Share Image
Marry somebody you love. That's the whole thing. And continue to love them. — Charlie Daniels Copy Share Image
