You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I have had vegan Thanksgiving of tofurkey and soy gravy. And it's not to say that Thanksgiving will ever justify the genocide… — Hari Kondabolu Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, "I don't need a pardon. I need… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
I'm from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I'm thankful for that. — Howie Mandel Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception. — Victor Kiam Copy Share Image
People always think of Chinese food as the go-to ethnic food when everything else is closed during the holidays, but Indian is… — Erin Gibson Copy Share Image
I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online. — Kumail Nanjiani Copy Share Image
You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If… — Dylan Brody Copy Share Image
I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the 'history' I was told in second grade. But considering that… — Ellen Orleans Copy Share Image
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
So once in every year we throng Upon a day apart, to praise the Lord with feast and song in thankfulness of… — Arthur Guiterman Copy Share Image
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring… — Russell Baker Copy Share Image
I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable. — Todd Barry Copy Share Image
If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed - like chickens, like turkeys,… — Ted Nugent Copy Share Image
All across America, we gather this week with the people we love to give thanks to God for the blessings in our… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
