I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself. — Dwight Schrute Copy Share Image
I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions. And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriffs deputy to… — Dwight Schrute Copy Share Image
Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms. — Dwight Schrute Copy Share Image
How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable — Dwight Schrute Copy Share Image
There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule 17- There are 3 things you never turn your back on-… — Dwight Schrute Copy Share Image
The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition wont receive the care they need because someone in this… — Dwight Schrute Copy Share Image
Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing. — Dwight Schrute Copy Share Image
He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious smoky rich flavor. Plus, you can… — Dwight Schrute Copy Share Image
Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own circumcision. — Dwight Schrute Copy Share Image
Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma! in the 7th grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman.… — Dwight Schrute Copy Share Image
