My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
