Facebook status Quotes · Page 32

That awkward moment when nobody likes your Facebook status .

— Anonymous

That dirty look you give the sidewalk when you turn around after you trip over it.

— Anonymous

I'm never satisfied with the speed of my windshield wipers.

— Anonymous

A friend would hurt you, but a best friend would kick their ass if they hurt you.

— OhItsVynn

Prefix: What a man does just before his wife calls the plumber. Or electrician, mechanic ...

— Nikhil Saluja

When I tell stories about people I dislike, I give them ridiculous voices.

— Anonymous

God gave you two hands, and you use them both to like my post. I can respect that

— Anonymous

If I had to be any Kardashian sister, I would choose Bruce Jenner.

— Anonymous

I'm eating right now and I'm not taking pictures of my food. Is that frowned upon these days? Does that make me…

— Ephrem Hardin

Ghetto Translations: 'You aint bout dat life' - The persona that you portray is contrary to the actual individual that you are.

— Anonymous

The only thing I have learned in thirty years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and…

— Nikhil Saluja

Hate it when I'm trying to kill a spider but then I lose track of it and I become a victim in…

— Anonymous

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a…

— Nikhil Saluja

No relationship is a waste of time. The wrong ones are there to teach you the lessons that prepare you for the…

— Anonymous

1.Morning Routine: 1. Wake Up 2. Check phone for messages 3. Check Facebook for any notifications.

— Becca

Whenever I talk with someone who stutters...I yell 'REMIX!' so they feel cool and shit.

— Anonymous

Tears: The hydrolic force that women use to defeat men.

— Nikhil Saluja

Allowing gay marriages isn't nearly the gayest thing about California.

— Anonymous

I can't tell if you have a better life than me, or better photo filters.

— Anonymous

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices. I'm confused!

— Anonymous

Expectoration: If you go to a political rally, you should EXPECTORATION.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies: Men wouldn't cheat if you did a little less nagging, and a little more gagging.

— Nikhil Saluja

My Ex-Wife was very hot. She died in burning car.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't keep up with me while dancing its ok I'll just move to your beat..

— Kevin McCarty

Cheat on your fears. Breakup with your doubts. Get engaged to your faith & merry your dreams.

— Enhance Dreams

Dear microwave, tell me why is my plate so hot and my food so cold?

— Anonymous

We have been friends for a very long time . Let's say we stop?

— Jjadedluver

Admit it, you've farted & blamed it on somebody else before.

— Anonymous

Thinking outside of the box is easy. Understanding women is hard.

— Funsho Macaulay II

Sometimes it's okay to be single as long as you enjoy it and not dying for a boyfriend.

— OhItsVynn

Sorry is word, and when heard repeatedly it becomes a lie.

— Nikhil Saluja

If facebook did have a dislike button there would be a lot of hurt feelings.

— Anonymous

You don't have 2 like me. I'm not a Facebook STATUS.

— Anonymous

He is so confusing,, the things he said to me made me believe him!

— Memaj

Admit it, at some point in time you've tried to see if you had superpowers.

— Anonymous

If everyone likes you, you're doing something wrong. Popularity is overrated.

— Anonymous

I hate when I'm bored nobody texts me but when I'm busy my phone blows up.

— Anonymous

In life, the best moments are those that your camera always failed to capture.

— Anonymous

Sometimes, I wonder how many girls she's texting when it seems too long to receive his reply.

— Anonymous