If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
If someone you know is diagnosed with cancer, give them a call or send them a letter to tell them how sorry… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
It should go without saying that you are not doing anything wrong by having sex in your own home, and based on… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who "despises" having sex with her husband - and… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
I think that it's a great idea to have honest conversations about children before getting married. I also think it's impossible to promise someone,… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are. — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their… — Mallory Ortberg Copy Share Image
