Wait until you meet my family. At Thanksgiving, we kill…

“Hubert's wife, Mindy, was a tiny powerhouse of a woman with a halo of wild blond hair and eye makeup so complex it took…

— Molly Harper

“He was always 'checking in' to see if I needed any help with my campaign, which on the surface seemed nice enough, but it…

— Molly Harper

“If one is going to spend her afternoon singing hymns to the great porcelain goddess, she might as well do it in a really…

— Molly Harper

“I sighed. 'Ah spite, the stuff of fairy tales.”

— Molly Harper

“...I supplied in a tone so saccharine that it should have tipped him off that his testicular health was in serious peril.”

— Molly Harper

“I held it together for the rest of the drive home but as soon as Kelsey dropped me off I flopped face down on…

— Molly Harper

“Cooper! Help!' The coward turned and walked into the kitchen as if he hadn't seen me getting frogmarched by the estrogen squad.”

— Molly Harper

“A boot up the ass could be considered a 'nudge' right?”

— Molly Harper

“Ophelia was beating some poor underling for not knowing her arse from the sparse collection of cells between her ears.”

— Molly Harper

“The rest of the morning would consist of checking on a pothole in the parking lot of the village clinic and writing up a…

— Molly Harper

“He delivered the mail, ran our modest recycling program, and maintained our handful of public buildings. He also occasionally fell asleep while driving a…

— Molly Harper

Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions:…

— Stephen Colbert

Reflect upon your present blessings

— Charles Dickens

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after…

— David Letterman