One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead. — Scott Adams Brain Copy Share Image
My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract criticism. — Scott Adams Career Copy Share Image
Rotten bosses don't get better. Any strategy that assumes they can is doomed. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Priorities are the things you need to get right so the things you love can thrive.” — Scott Adams Priorities Copy Share Image
The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.' — Scott Adams Artist Copy Share Image
“Quality is not an independent force in the universe; it depends on what you choose as your frame of reference.” — Scott Adams Physics Copy Share Image
“If you go to movies, choose the funny ones first and avoid anything you know will end on a sad note.” — Scott Adams Humor Copy Share Image
For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
The day you realize that your efforts and rewards are not related, it really frees up your calendar. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at… — Scott Adams Assassins Copy Share Image
The core belief that drives terrorism is the notion of a "holy place," along with the idea that some people belong there… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Because everything you perceive is a metaphor for something your brain is not equipped to fully understand. God is as real as… — Scott Adams Metaphor Copy Share Image
Writers tend to work early in the morning, or late at night, when brains are naturally able to focus deeply on one… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“We humans like to think we are creatures of reason. We aren't. The reality is that we make our decisions first and… — Scott Adams Humor Copy Share Image
Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A… — Scott Adams Computers Copy Share Image
Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
People are idiots. Including me. Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with the low SAT scores. The only difference is… — Scott Adams Differences Copy Share Image
“On August 13, 2015, I predicted in my blog that Donald Trump had a 98 percent chance of winning the presidency based… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“I’ve explained to a number of people my observations about how exercise, diet, and sleep influence mood. The usual reaction is a… — Scott Adams Bad luck Copy Share Image
“By the early-afternoon hours, if your brain is normal, it's running strictly on inertia and reflex. All you can do during those… — Scott Adams Creative writing Copy Share Image
“I also find it helpful to remind myself that every human is a mess on the inside. It’s easy to assume the… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
You might argue that my example is bad because Einstein is dead. But according to physicist Erwin Schrodinger, Einstein is neither dead… — Scott Adams Alive Copy Share Image
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Reality outside the quantum world of particles and waves might be fixed and objective, at least according to most scientists. But how… — Scott Adams First impression Copy Share Image
The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company. — Scott Adams Business Copy Share Image
Beware the advice of successful people; they do not seek company. — Scott Adams Advice Copy Share Image
As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. — Scott Adams Dilbert Copy Share Image
Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games. — Scott Adams Animal Copy Share Image
