You need to build an ability to just be yourself, and not be doing something, — Louis C. K Ability Copy Share Image
What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you — Louis C. K Afterlife Copy Share Image
My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body. — Louis C. K Body Copy Share Image
When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having… — Louis C. K Good times Copy Share Image
If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core! — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum. — Louis C. K Actor Copy Share Image
Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Very few American parents give a crap about how they raise their kids. They put minimal effort into it. Who told you… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency,… — Louis C. K Consistency Copy Share Image
When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time… — Louis C. K Capitalism Copy Share Image
For years, Blockbuster Video has edited movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, when he's masturbating while the girls in the car are doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Human kindness has no reward. You should give to others in every way you see. expect absolutely nothing from anyone. It should… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
How do women still go out with guys, when you consider the fact that there is no greater threat to women than… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I've heard educated white people say, 'slavery was 400… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant, and you sort of get a list from… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“It's hard to really look at somebody and go: "Hey, maybe something nice will happen." You just don't-- I know too much… — Louis C. K Life Copy Share Image
Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like… — Louis C. K Actors Copy Share Image
“I find that when people laugh it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that they hadn't considered. That's my… — Louis C. K Alcohol Copy Share Image
My last name is Szekely. Sounds like Saykay. When I was a little kid I had an instructor in camp who called… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I used to like people more, but now I have children and that changes your life in a lot of ways. Like… — Louis C. K Care Copy Share Image
When I was a kid there was a show called 'Holmes & Yo-Yo' about a robot cop. I LOVED that show and… — Louis C. K Cop Copy Share Image
I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. — Louis C. K Being a parent Copy Share Image
Here's how my brain works: It's stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis. — Louis C. K Analysis Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what… — Louis C. K God Copy Share Image
...Then I got divorced and everything changed, and I became a father in a whole new way and found a whole new… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. — Louis C. K Comedy Copy Share Image
You have to do a show as honestly as you can. But you also can't afford skepticism, because it's preparing for failure,… — Louis C. K Doubt Copy Share Image
I don't know if you've ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I've found that if that's all you have,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If the whole country had to have the same conversation that was safe for everybody, it would be a pretty awful place… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can't dress and feed a four-year-old?… — Louis C. K Best father Copy Share Image
Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
