If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Performing comedy, you develop a rhythm of ideas and laughs. I live for it. — Louis C. K Comedy Copy Share Image
Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on. — Louis C. K Audience Copy Share Image
Bill has three goldfish. He buys two more. How many dogs live in London? — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know I'm getting old because there will be times when I'm not even doing anything and I'll think, 'I need to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
If you have something to say, here's what you do: You write it down on a piece of paper, you go out… — Louis C. K Home Copy Share Image
Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction. — Louis C. K Comedy Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm… — Louis C. K Idiot Copy Share Image
I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby… — Louis C. K Baby Copy Share Image
I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them - that's just the way I am they make… — Louis C. K Belief Copy Share Image
There’s a need to perfect things in a writers’ room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show… — Louis C. K Congress Copy Share Image
One time I was at a swimming pool with my kids, a public pool. I had my daughter, my six year old,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I am really tired of looking at my hips. I'm seriously really tired of standing naked in the mirror and staring at… — Louis C. K Get it together Copy Share Image
The last jobs I had were fixing cars and covering football games for a local access tv station. As in driving the… — Louis C. K Access Copy Share Image
I've had, what, two years? Probably five good years. Before that I had twenty years of uncertainty and suffering and ego destruction… — Louis C. K Destruction Copy Share Image
Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you're all… — Louis C. K Alive Copy Share Image
You know when you see a mother someplace just melting down on her kid? She's like, 'Shut up, I hate you, you're… — Louis C. K Fatherhood Copy Share Image
When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I love being divorced. Every year has been better than the last. By the way, I'm not saying don't get married. If… — Louis C. K Divorce Copy Share Image
My 13-year-old daughter leaves the house at 7:15 every morning and takes a smelly city bus to school way uptown. It's like… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just don't trust any of it. Every time I read something about how there's been another ridiculous climb of the Dow… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
To me, there's a huge difference between criticism and reviewing. I really love reading good criticism of television and film. To me,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Race doesn't mean what it used to in America anymore. It just doesn't. Obama's black, but he's not black the way people… — Louis C. K America Copy Share Image
One time, I threw a candy wrapper on the street. I was with a friend who said to me, You just littered… — Louis C. K Candy Copy Share Image
People come back from flights and tell you a story like it's a horror story. That's how bad they make it sound.… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. — Louis C. K Dinner Copy Share Image
